How My Family Keeps Christ in Christmas

"The best way to keep Christ in Christmas is by celebrating Advent" - Mark Hart, a Catholic Speaker that I follow on facebook recently posted that quote and I couldn't have summed it up better. (He is great for his one liners that can really get you thinking so I encourage you to follow him if you don't already!)
The first Sunday of Advent we were lucky to be visiting my in-laws parish whose priest said "don't miss advent".  We know that Christmas in stores starts popping up even before Halloween now and most of us feel pretty great for waiting until after Thanksgiving to decorate for Christmas, but with our huge focus on jumping into the Christmas season before it's here, we are missing the beautiful and necessary season of Advent. I'm not just talking about decorating for Christmas too early. Yes, decorations are something physical and tangible that play a very important role in our spiritual life since we are physical, visual people, but it's the actions and thoughts behind the decorations that are important.
So, we all know there's an age-old debate over when the appropriate time is to put up your Christmas tree, but just why is it important anyway? As my 3 year old son grows it has forced my husband and I to think seriously about why we do the things we do. We want to teach him what the season is really about and to discourage the concept of "I want _____" fill in the blank with any toy in eyesight. We questioned if we would pretend that Santa exists and a lot of other things. And the more I researched the more I realized that Mark Hart was absolutely right. If I want my son to know what Christmas is really about, the answer is in Advent. I think Advent gets passed over because people don't always understand it. I, just like so many of you, hate to wait for anything. Why wait to decorate? To turn on the Christmas music? To celebrate such a beautiful Christian event? Because, just like in our lives, when we skip ahead, we miss what was meant for right now.  When I was in high school I wanted to skip to college, when I was in college I wanted to skip to marriage and when I got married and we struggled to have children I wanted to skip to when that would happen. But I could write pages and pages of what good things I would have missed had I been able to do that.
Advent is more than just blank squares to cross off on a calendar or a reason to make you wait. Advent isn't really about waiting for Christmas, it's really about pointing us to Christ. It's about remembering that HE is what life is really about. We aren't waiting for a baby to be born...that already happened! We're waiting for Jesus to come again. And as someone recently shared, how many of us still do? Or have we really given up on that? Do we really live our lives each day to the holiest degree? Do we really HOPE each day that today will be the day He comes? And do we realize that He went through all that He did just so that He could come to live in our hearts right now? That is what advent is about. You can see how easily that message gets lost in the "Christmas" season as we know it today that is so much more focused on things of this world than the next. This Advent, hear Jesus say "all I want for Christmas is you."

Ok, so you want to celebrate advent the right way, but wait! Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater! One of the unfortunate things about the secular world taking over our Christian holidays is that some of our beautiful, meaningful traditions get so twisted they are unrecognizable to Christians. The more I learn each year I realize I don't have to get rid of things I have grown to love about Christmas, they just have a lot more meaning to me now! So here are a few ways that my family celebrates Advent and Christmas in case you are looking for ideas, but make sure to make it your own!

Advent Calendar - Advent for us really revolves around this calendar.  First of all, my son loves opening something each day, and that makes sure that a single day doesn't go by that we aren't spending some time thinking about the themes of advent. Each day has something to do like a prayer, an act of service, a craft, etc. I try to relate them to the daily Mass readings for the day. Usually they have some type of treat or gift in them. For example, on the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe there was a stamp set and we talked about the story and then played with our stamps (keep in mind, my son is 3 so I keep things pretty simple). There was a tube of frosting as the gift the day we made ginger bread "nativity scenes" and talked about where Jesus was born. There are quarters for the day we're challenged to pay it forward by putting extra money in the vending machine for the next person, and socks for the day we just "sat and soaked in the presence of Jesus".  I know it sounds like it took a long time, but it probably took less than 2-3 hours to come up with all the activities and then put it together. My son was able to help put some of it together with me. I let him do the ones with notes and candy and I did the ones with the bigger gifts like the stamp set, socks, etc so he would be surprised.  I'm sorry I didn't type up what I put in there this year, but if you'd like some ideas from last year you can read my post about advent last year for the list. The photo above was taken today, so it's in it's in-between stage. As we take down gifts, we fill in the space with our friends and family! We hang our Christmas cards and it's just a wonderful visual of how His blessings pile up as we grow closer to Him!

Pray Unceasingly - Saint Paul said it and it can be said again. Everyday, all the time. Pray. The whole purpose of Advent and Christmas is to get you to heaven so that you can have the relationship with God you were created for to begin with. All He wants is you. You're missing the point if you do all the craft stuff but never take time to be with Him. We take advantage of "The Word Among Us" daily devotions for advent as well as Fr. Robert Barrons daily devotionals that come right to your email in case you're the type that forgets to pick up a book or go on to a blog each day. Growing up we also prayed the rosary as a family daily during advent, something we are trying to do now but not succeeding with. Clearly, we are not prioritizing this enough and need to :) I'm able to pray it on my own, but I feel it's important to do as a family. It shows to your children that this is important enough to turn the TV off, and stop whatever else we are doing to give our time to God.

Santa - wait, don't get rid of him! I mean, yes, please oh please stop writing him letters asking him for things. This REALLY defeats the purpose of Christmas (see my blurb about gifts below). It can be easy to want to toss out Santa. A friend recently shared the blog post with me "What to do about Santa" and gives a lot of great points on how Santa has gotten out of control. For that reason, I know many Christians have gotten rid of the tradition all together, and I was one who was ready to. But what we are forgetting is that before he was "Santa" he was St. Nicholas, because his feast day is during advent and he was a wonderful holy man who shared what he had with others. On his feast day, December 6, it's traditional to put candy in shoes by the door, which we did. Let the kids put candy in dad's shoes and get a taste of how great it feels to do something nice for someone! Instead of teaching our kids to ask him for things, teach them to be LIKE him, to give to others.

Gifts - As we go through a store and my son says "I want that, and that and that." I redirect his thoughts. "At Christmas we need to think about what we can get for other people, not ourselves. What do you think your cousins would like to have?" When he's older we can start talking about people in need, he doesn't quite get that yet. But really, if we are frustrated that to kids Christmas is all about gifts and we hate seeing the ungratefulness around the Christmas tree on Christmas morning, we have to set to the tone. That means we have to stop asking "what do you want for Christmas?" and instead say "what can we do for others this Christmas?" or "who are you most excited to give a gift to this Christmas?" Then maybe, just MAYBE, gifts you do chose to give them might be appreciated not expected...maybe. I've heard two things that I liked as ways parents keep gifts simple. Some do 3 gifts each because that's what Jesus received, and another does "something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read." The important thing to stress is the reason behind the gift giving. If you can't answer why we give gifts at Christmas, then why are you giving gifts at Christmas?

Straw for the manger - as kids we got to put a piece of straw in the manger each time we did something nice for someone, and I have added for every extra prayer time as well. To soften the bed for baby Jesus (who's tiny figurine is still placed there in a sort of ceremony on Christmas Eve at my parents house while we sing Away in the Manger) and to remind us that He calls us to follow his example of loving others, not to throw a big party each year in His honor where nobody honors Him.

Finally...Decorating - Isn't it magical once you decorate for Christmas? It really changes the atmosphere of the house. If you decorate for Christmas, it's going to feel like Christmas. But I wanted my house to reflect Advent so that I'm visually reminded. Since Advent builds up to Christmas, our decorating reflects this. We tie this into our advent calendar which on certain days gives us things to do. The first week of advent we put up the advent wreath, and the BARE Christmas tree. A reminder of the new life that Christ brings but also that we are still waiting for the day we'll celebrate with Him in eternity. The second week we put up lights on the tree and outside, to proclaim to all that Jesus brought light into darkness. This year we put lights outside on 4 of our small trees, but we only plug in 2 during the 2nd week of advent and 3 during the third, etc (they're our advent candles!). No one else probably gets it except us but that's ok!  On the Feast of the Immaculate Conception we set up the Nativity scene. Then we finally decorate the tree and put up all our other decorations during the 4th week, usually just a few days before Christmas. A bonus to waiting so long to decorate is that it isn't hard to leave the decorations up through the Christmas season because we aren't sick of them yet! Plus, they bring joy to the dreary month of January.

It's really not to late to celebrate Advent this year! I hope most of all you are able to just spend time with Him in prayer and recognize Him in others. Remember, the disciples waited hopefully for the return of Jesus. Maybe the most important question for our hearts today is: do we hopefully await his arrival or do we hope he doesn't come today? The answer is a good spiritual check for our hearts. I know I have some work to do. Thank God for Advent!

It's in the Imperfections

I was putting eggs away tonight when one of them caught my eye. I had to inspect closer to make sure I was seeing clearly. A touch confirmed it. The egg, instead of being smooth like all the others, had a ripple near the top of the egg. The shell had hardened this way. Being new to raising chickens this is the first time I’ve ever seen it, and my mind automatically directed to the thought process on how the egg is created. Of course for it to have this imperfection, at one point it isn’t a hard shell but soft. As I stood there by the sink briefly thinking about what happens every day inside of a chicken to cause this egg to be produced, I was in complete amazement at God and his beautiful design. It’s interesting how I took all of it for granted for months now of getting perfect eggs. Where did I think they came from anyway, the egg stork? I’m the one feeding the chickens and picking the eggs every day, but I suppose in their predictability they never stood out to me. They were what I always expected them to be and I never gave it a second thought. But this little imperfection has me glorifying God for His greatness.

It’s a good reminder for me, that above all of the great things we do for God, it’s most often in showing our imperfections and mistakes that others are able to see him. When we can be vulnerable, when others can see us as “real” people, that’s when we turn their gaze off of us and on to Christ, who in His infinite wisdom uses imperfect people for a perfect plan.  I’ve recently come across two blogs both from amazing women working for Christ, and both mention at one point how they are not as perfect as they might seem on their blogs. It’s an easy thing to miss, because we don’t often sit down to write to the world about when we are judgmental, too crabby with our kids, forget to bring snack, fail to forgive a hurt, or  ______ fill in the blank. But maybe we need to do a little more of that. Showing our biggest flaws so that when our amazing God works His magic and makes us beautiful, the whole world can know it was Him that made something out of nothing.

The Best is Yet to Come

Today is our 7th wedding anniversary. Looking back 7 years ago today two naive 22-year-olds wore huge smiles on our faces as we soaked in the best day of our lives. We were so happy and in love, and looked forward to a lifetime of that same happiness and we faced the world together.

A good friend of mine recently told me of the engagement of a niece of hers, just 19 years old, who will be married this winter. Neither of us had to say a word, we just exchanged knowing sympathetic smiles. It's not that we aren't happy for her, but that we know what's coming.

We have this beautiful, fun love, we join our hearts in Christ and give ours lives to each other and then we sit back and wait to watch the magic of "happily ever after" happen. Except, we're not living in a children's fairy tale. So instead, "life" happens. You fight about cleaning and cooking and toothpaste and long showers and always being late. Your time that you couldn't wait to spend with each other gets pulled between obligations to extended family, friends, work and un-shared interests and you struggle to find the balance. And then just when you feel you have that figured out, the really tough stuff happens. Someone loses their job, the car breaks down, the bills pile up, grandparents pass away, or the unthinkable happens and you lose your child to a miscarriage. It can be easy at the inexperienced age of 22 to look around and wonder just what happened to your promised "happily ever after".

But here is where the smile comes in. Because my friend and I, both married in our early 20s, know that all of that hard stuff is coming for her niece, but we also know that it's in the midst of all that struggle and especially in facing it together that true joy is found.

My husbands mother wrote to him in a birthday card in one of our first years of marriage that "the best years are yet to come." It seems odd in a birthday card when we usually feel after we turn 21 we stop looking forward to the birthdays and instead hope to avoid getting older and the time passing by on us. But she was so absolutely right. We were so in love then. We had so much fun together and were free to do whatever we wanted and the world was at our fingertips. We were eternally optimistic about the future and the happiness it held for us having never been really "hurt" by life. In the last 7 years we've faced hurt that we could have never imagined as we've said goodbye to 8 children that went to heaven early. We've had more arguments about where we spend our money and time than I could possibly count. We've cried more tears in 7 years than I imagined we would in a lifetime, and I find myself wondering if I had known 7 years ago just how hard it would be if I would have walked down that isle. Because you probably couldn't have convinced me then, that it would be in the midst of all of that suffering and hardship that we would really find the true joy our hearts were searching for. I wouldn't have understood then that no hearts are bound as close as those that hold each other up while they lay their child in the ground or that his "I love you" is so much more sincere after I'd just been incredibly rude to him in a fight. And I'm quite sure I never would have believed that after all of that I could love him a thousand times more than I did that day we got married.

Right now, my husband is having a pillow fight/wrestling match with our 3 year old son while our 2 month old naps close by. When my 3 year old pretends to be dad going to work he gives me a kiss goodbye and tells me he loves me like he's seen his dad do a million times. When he "comes home" he says "Hey Babe! Did you have a good day?" in the sweetest, most sincere voice ever, just like his dad. It's in moments like these that I know my mother-in-law was so, so right when she told us then that the best years are yet to come.

The readings today at Mass, echoed the same as they spoke about the kingdom of heaven. Isaiah 25 says "he will destroy death forever, he will wipe away the tears from every face." And Matthew 22's parable of the kingdom of heaven being like a wedding feast. It's then that we can realize that an even greater joy comes in hearing the laughter of my husband and children, soaking up the beautiful moment and knowing that it's only going to get better: "the best is yet to come." This beautiful family I have been given is just a glimpse of the joy that's waiting in heaven. So, just like we did so many years ago when that birthday card came in the mail, we'll keep on enjoying the present, our hearts overflowing with the knowledge that the best is yet to come. I can almost see God's sympathetic smile as I'm sure he knows the struggles we still have to face and the joy that's waiting.

Why Loss Makes Me a Happier, Better Parent

(Written on September 2:)
You can really tell it’s September in SW Minnesota today. It’s an absolutely beautiful day, low 70’s, sun is shining, and a perfect slight breeze. But it’s the change in the air that means September. The just ever-so-slight change of a dry warmth over the more moist or humid warm that summer brings. And while I love the perfect days, and enjoy the feeling of slipping on a sweatshirt when the evenings and mornings are chilly and looking forward to pumpkin-spiced-everything, I can’t help but mourn the loss of summer. I’m never, ever ready for it to end. I was trying to explain the season change to my 3 year old Nathaniel today because he asked if we could go to the pool.  I told him it was closed because summer was almost over and he did not like that at all. In an effort to lift his spirits I told him that soon we’d be able to make piles of leaves to jump in and he was so excited. And then I told him winter comes next and in the winter it snows! “And then what do we do?” I asked. His eyes went to the side as he thought about it and got a big smile on his face, “make a snowman,” his eyes sparkling with excitement. “Yep,” I answered. “I’m going to make this many snowmans” he said, holding up 10 fingers.
His optimism was just the reminder I needed that even though I would miss summer, there was other joy to be found in the coming seasons. I remember reading an article on foster care that talked about the importance of loss. Many of us try to avoid loss as much as possible. Of course we don’t like it, it’s a very difficult and unpleasant thing so of course we would avoid it. But the article explained that loss is a part of life, and those that accept that and welcome situations where they expect loss to eventually occur instead of avoiding them are actually happier people. I was so happy for someone to put it into words like that because as foster parents we constantly hear “I could never do that,” or “how do you do it when they go back home?” like there’s something wrong with us for putting ourselves into situations where our hearts will inevitably be broken.
So why are we happier, the ones who supposedly suffer more because we experience more loss and heartache? I believe it’s because we love and live like today is our last day. I rarely ever know how many more days I will get to spend with a child. It could be just a day, it could be weeks, often it’s short notice when they are going to leave. And so I try so hard to fill every moment with every ounce of love and fun I can and I soak up every smile, laugh, hug and kiss. Of course we can’t live every day at an amusement park, but I can remind myself that the dishes can wait when the fireflies are out for chasing and the laundry won’t run away (even though I keep hoping) when someone wants to read 15 books in my lap. Is it absolutely terrible when they leave and I gave them a huge piece of my heart? Absolutely. I’m positive I’ve cried more tears than most my age, but I’m also pretty sure I’ve laughed and loved more than most too. The truth is, none of us are promised tomorrow with our children, but history of everyone waking up and living each day in our home has given us a false sense of security that tomorrow will be the same. Our blessing as foster parents is that we know all we are promised is today, and we make it count.

As our summer fades away I’m sure I’ll find myself wishing I had swam one more time, caught a few more fish or soaked in the warm sun just like after another child leaves I’ll find myself wishing I had taken one more hug or danced one more song because no matter what it’s never enough. But I won’t stay wishing for long, I’ll turn my face to the beauty of the new season that’s upon me and the children that are with me now and try to not miss a minute. Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s a sleeping baby I need to be snuggling while I avoid the pile of dishes overtaking my kitchen. Maybe if they grow large enough they’ll come to life and cook me something for dinner.

Jesus said: "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?" Luke 12:25. Instead, just love, play, laugh...right now!

It's Time to Start Paying Attention

My brother-in-law was helping my husband with some chores around the yard last night and while he was trimming around our shed he cut down my sunflowers. It’s not his fault, he didn’t know. He wasn’t there when I planted them, hadn’t seen me watering them or stopping by them each day watching them grow. In honesty, I had thought to myself that they sure do look like weeds right now while they are young. They’ll be beautiful once they bloom, but right now they look like weeds. I’m sure I would have trimmed them too if I hadn’t been the one who had planted them.
I heard my husband tell my brother-in-law across the yard he had cut down the flowers and I started to cry. I planted those flowers with our foster children who recently went home. Every day I watched them grow thinking about how they would be taller than the kids now. Thinking how sad it was I couldn’t take their picture by them or that they will never see what the end result of what they planted. And a small part of me hoping that maybe those things would happen someday. But now, if the flowers were cut down, there would be no chance of that. I needed to come to terms with the fact that they aren't coming back. Those flowers meant a lot more to me than just a flower and I can’t be mad at my brother-in-law because he didn’t know but it doesn’t change the fact that they are gone.

Those flowers were just like my foster kids and just like so many people in the world. We don’t notice them. We go about our lives and we pass them off as weeds, not useful or in the wrong place at the wrong time. And often times, in our unobservant state, we cut people down without even realizing it. My brother-in-law would have never known had my husband not pointed it out. And while the unfortunate part to Him is that he’ll never see their beauty, to me He’s taken something I’ve worked so hard for. We planted them from seeds, watered those flowers for months, planted them in the ground and weeded and watered again and again. It brought me so much joy to see them grow each day. In Isaiah today it reads: “The Lord called me from birth, from my mother’s womb he gave me my name. He made of me a sharp-edged sword and concealed me in the shadow of his arm.” Is 49:1

My foster kids, my youth group teenagers, the elderly residents in the nursing home I used to work at, our children, they all fit in this category. Foster parents, youth workers, parents and most of all God spends weeks, months, lifetimes nurturing the potential and beauty they see. Far too often they are cut down before they ever have the chance to bloom. The end of the Isaiah verse today says: “I will make you a light to the nations, that my salvation may reach to the ends of the earth.”

I firmly believe that God has a beautiful plan for each of us to bloom in His time, but many of us need a lot of understanding and encouragement and nurturing to get there. As a foster parent, I see how important it is to see beyond the surface flaws to the beautiful potential that is often hidden. And I know probably far too often than I would like to know, I’ve been the one who cut someone else down out of my ignorance, misunderstanding or inattentiveness. So I’m asking you today to please join me in trying to pay more attention. I’m betting you encounter foster kids or so many others in need of understanding and nurturing almost every day but maybe don’t realize it, even within our own families. As I cried in my garden I thought of God feeling the same way about all of the work he puts into each one of us each time someone cuts them down. Let’s all please pay more attention. Together with Christ we can help them to become the “light to the nations” they were intended to be.

Note: As far as my sunflowers; when I went to look, some of them were spared :) and I told my poor brother-in-law his punishment would be public embarrassment via this blog.

Pick a Man who Treats You the Way You Want Your Kids to Treat You

Ladies, if you're husband shopping, the best advice I can give is pick a man who treats you the way you want your kids to treat you someday. Kids learn how to act by watching you, and far too many mothers I know think they can raise great kids while their husband teaches them bad habits. They're going to learn from both of you, and specifically they're going to learn how to treat you from the way your husband treats you.
Pick the guy that holds open doors, speaks to you kindly, prays with you and respects you. Go for the one that cleans up the dishes, makes you a priority with their time, holds your hand, says "I love you" often and gives you their coat when you're cold. Because if you think it's romantic and sweet when he does all those things just wait until your three year old holds open a door for you. My boys make me feel like a princess daily. My heart melts when I get ready to go out and my little boy says "You're beautiful Mom!" or when he takes his tiny little hands on each side of my face and gives me a kiss on the forehead. He wasn't born that way, but he learned from the best teacher. My husband is a great father in many other ways, but I know that the best thing he's done for our son is the way that he loves me. He's teaching him how to respect and honor women and how to be a great husband and father himself one day.
It's amazing how I was so blessed to have one person in the world who treated me this way, and now I have two.  You can too, just be picky and pick only the one that treats you like a princess. :) Have fun shopping!

Sometimes Life Isn't Fair: Why that's a Good Thing

Do you think I'll ever finish a cup of coffee before it gets cold again? Take a bite of a meal that's hot?  Or sit down to a meal at the beginning instead of when everyone is half finished? Go for a run without stopping to break up a fight in the jogging stroller, read a book in my hammock, finish a phone conversation when I want to, give a conversation my attention, use something nice without it getting broken...the list goes on and on. Today I was thinking these thoughts as I at my cold supper after 6 trips up from the table to get the kids more food, more milk, a trip to the potty with my 2 year old that's potty training, you get the picture. It's so easy for me to think of how life used to be and miss the luxuries I had. But today I was hit with the realization that actually it won't be long and I probably will get to finish my coffee while it's warm. Our two toddlers are leaving us next week and we'll go back to the much quieter life of raising one toddler. That's when I discovered how much I love cold coffee.
It's not fair, really, that they come and turn our life upside-down and test our patience and make us laugh and melt our hearts with their sweet, sweet smiles and the funny things that come out of their mouths. It's not fair that I got to hear him say his first long sentence, be sarcastic and make the cutest fake sleeping noise in the world. It's not fair that she finally trusts me, learned to pedal a bike after hours of practicing with her, and is so proud of herself for mastering the art of "going potty".  I guess what's really not fair is how many mom's and dad's get all of that and more with their kids every day and never appreciate it's significance. And I know when the day comes that I get to hug them for the last time and say goodbye forever, the only thing going through my mind is going to be "it's not fair." But God, that's when I really really need you to remind me that it really isn't fair.  It's really not fair that I got to be a part of their amazing little lives and experience the love and joy they brought me. I am blessed more than many. So for that, I am grateful: for the fact that I am once again reminded that we are never promised tomorrow and we MUST not miss the tiny moments that make this life so wonderful. It's easy for so many of us to look at our lives and feel we've had such a difficult road, a bad hand dealt, but if our hearts are open how many more blessings have we been given if only we take the time to notice? I've often hear it said those who have hurt a lot have loved a lot.
Father, help me to quit focusing on my cold coffee and instead see the blessings you've placed in front of me. 

Had to add this, read the gospel for today and it is so, so perfect for this post and what I'm going through right now:

Gospel jn 16:20-23
Jesus said to his disciples:
“Amen, amen, I say to you, you will weep and mourn,
while the world rejoices;
you will grieve, but your grief will become joy.
When a woman is in labor, she is in anguish because her hour has arrived;
but when she has given birth to a child,
she no longer remembers the pain because of her joy
that a child has been born into the world.
So you also are now in anguish.
But I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice,
and no one will take your joy away from you.
On that day you will not question me about anything.
Amen, amen, I say to you,
whatever you ask the Father in my name he will give you.”

THANK YOU GOD FOR BEING SO GOOD TO ME! I know this pain will turn into joy soon :) and I love you!

My New Secret to being the Patient, Loving, Joyful Parent I want to be

I've said it a million times. Parenting is the hardest job I've ever had. I love my kids but there are so many days at the end of the day that I re-play my day and come up with a list a mile long of times I failed as a parent that day. I lost my temper to quickly with one child because I was already frustrated with another, I caused a fight by putting on the pants myself instead of letting her do it because we were running late. I missed a fun moment because I was responding to an email. The kids got bored and started pushing each other because I was sending a text message. I promised them we bake cookies after nap and then forgot to do it. I responded to bad behavior with anger instead of love. All those moments re-play every night. There are times by 4 o'clock I am just praying that my husband will be home soon to rescue me because I am really struggling. And there are many times at the end of the night I tell him "I'm just not good at this parenting thing." But right now he's in his busy season at work which means he works 18 hour days, leaves before the kids get up and doesn't get home until they (and usually me too) are sleeping. So, without him to lean on, I found myself in serious need of some help, and that's when I grabbed my rosary. Who better than to intercede for me that the greatest mother that ever lived? Where else can I learn patience than from meditating on the life of the most patient man that ever walked the face of the earth? So I decided I would pray one rosary every day to be a better parent. I try to start my day with the rosary, if the kids wake up to early then I pray it at nap-time. If they don't nap I pray it before I go to bed. It is amazing the affect it has had upon me as a parent.
I'm not good at this parenting thing, and I realized that's exactly why I'm being asked to be a parent and foster parent. I was good at my job, I was good at ministry. It came so easy for me, I had the skills for it. But so often, God calls us to things that we aren't good at, that we don't have the skills for, so that we learn to rely on him and allow Him to work. He can do far greater things through someone who hands their life over than through someone who is talented and doing it all themselves. And looking back I remember that when I first started ministry, I thought God was crazy for calling me to it, because I had no idea what I was doing. But I started every day, every event with the prayer: "I am your tool, please use me as you wish."
I know I can't do this without Him. I can't be the parent he needs to me to be, but He can through me if I let Him. The simple act of falling to my knees and asking desperately for help every day, that is my secret.
The rosary is an often misunderstood catholic devotion. One that I myself misunderstood for many years and therefore ignored and missed out on. While some say it's meaningless prayer to recite the same words over and over again, and others say we're worshiping Mary, all are mistaken. The rosary does involve praying the same words over and over again, many of which are taken directly from scripture. But the point of the rosary is to meditate on the mysteries which follow the life of Jesus Christ. The repetitive prayers are meant to be easy to say so that you can really think about the mystery. When I meditate on the birth of the king of the world into poverty or his scourging or cruxificion I find understanding and perspective on my own suffering. When I wrap my mind around the resurection, the coming of the holy spirit, and the ascension I am given so much hope.
The rosary has been such an important part of my life over the last few years. When I was suffering through the loss of my children, it was a way to pray when I couldn't possibly find any words to say. When I needed my God most but didn't feel like I could talk to Him, I found the connection in the rosary and it gave me the peace I was longing for.
My goal as a parent is to be more like Christ. I fail at that goal in one way or another daily, but with the help of meditating on his life and asking for the intercession of Mary daily, each day gets a little bit better.
Mary, please pray for me. You are an inspiration as a mother and I desire to be more like you and more like you're son. Please ask that I may have the grace to be the parent I need to be.

How are you celebrating Holy Week?

I've been a really bad parent at helping my kids understand Lent and Easter, but like any good procrastinator decided Holy Week would be a great time to start! So I did some googling/pintresting (those are words right?) and came across some great ideas. I'll share mine and if anyone else has any to share please do!

We made homemade pretzles on Monday (simple bread and water for fasting during lent) and talked about the pretzel being like arms folded in prayer. It was perfect because my kids love to do a big AMEN and wrap their arms around themselves like they are giving themselves a hug, looks just like the pretzel. So we did a lot of big "AMEN's"! Plus, they were tasty!

Saturday we are going to make Easter Story Cookies so I'm excited to see how that turns out, I will let you know! And Sunday I am planning on bringing the stuff to make Resurrection Rolls to my moms to make with my kids and my nephews.

I found all of these ideas and so many more good ones that we don't have time for on CatholicIcing.com If you are looking for good kids activities definitely check it out! If you click on the links above it will take you to those directions.

Have fun celebrating!

The "F" Word

Forgiveness is actually what I’m talking about. It raises the hair on the back of my neck. It’s one thing that I’ve always struggled with. Recently, I was reading the story of the woman who Jesus saved from being stoned to death and I felt him tugging on my heart about forgiveness. And the more I prayed and reflected on the story, the more I realized that forgiveness is the entire theme for lent. If we go through Lent and don’t understand the way we are forgiven we have missed the point. And if we don’t allow that realization to move us to forgive others then we really never got it in the first place.

Sure, I have forgiven many people that have hurt me. It’s easier when you can understand their point of view, or you grow spiritually or you even realize you were wrong too. But the ones I struggle with most are the ones that have hurt people I care about, like my parents, my kids, or even the church or the mission of Christ. Like when someone takes advantage of my parents generous hearts, or the parents of many of my foster kids who forget the beautiful gift they’ve been given and do so much damage to those little hearts, or the people in ministry that neglect their jobs or take advantage of the church.

 I attended Stations of the Cross a couple weeks ago and one of the stations reflected on the fact that Mary forgave the people who tortured and crucified her son. I had never thought about it before, but she walked beside them and watched them hurt not only her son but her God. I can’t imagine watching someone do that! She didn’t lash out, and in the end, she had to live the rest of her life alongside those people. She didn’t store up resentment or bitterness, but she forgave them. Wow. If she could do that, I know God is telling me I can forgive those that hurt Him and that hurt the people I care about. So I brought it into confession, I knew I had been wrong for holding on to those grudges, and I asked for forgiveness and then the priest did something I wasn’t expecting. When I got done telling God I was sorry for not forgiving he asked me: “are you able to forgive those people now?” Wait, what? It caught me off guard. I’m just realizing I’m sorry for it, I’m not sure I’m ready to actually forgive those people! But he was right; if I was really sorry I had to do it. And I will forever be indebted to that priest, because right there in that moment with the help of the grace of the Holy Spirit my heart changed, and I knew I was ready and I forgave them. And what a beautiful, beautiful feeling that is! I’ve been to confession many times, and every time you walk out feeling lighter, but I could have floated out of that confessional for the weight that was lifted off of my shoulders.

Granted, just like every sin, I’ll continue to struggle. I will need to remind myself daily of my choice to forgive them so I don’t slip back into it, but the freedom I get from it is so worth the struggle, as well as the joy I know my Father gets from it. As a parent of 3 toddlers right now, I don’t know how many times a day I ask “why can’t you guys just get along?” I spend most of the day breaking up fights over toys, snacks, who gets to swing first, you name it. There’s such joy in watching all three kids play nicely together. I know when I forgive, when I do my best to “play nicely” with my brothers and sisters here on earth, my Father in heaven can sit back and relax and look down and smile on us, and that’s all I need for it to be worth it.  There’s no greater joy than making Him proud. J

Stand Up Straight

This year for lent on the suggestion of a LifeTeen article of weird things to give up or do for Lent, I chose "standing up straight." Anyone who knows me knows I am a terrible sloucher. My mother tried with constant "stand up straight's" throughout my childhood but it never met with much more than eye rolling and pulling my shoulders back for a few seconds to make her happy. So, I decided this might be just the challenge I need. Well, "challenge" is the perfect word. This has by far been the hardest thing I've ever done for lent. I'm constantly realizing that I'm slouching and correcting my posture. It's definitely doing it's job getting me thinking about God throughout the day as I'm sure I'm correcting myself more than 20 times a day. After the first day my back was sore from using muscles I wasn't used too and some days it's just really hard to stand up straight when I'm really tired.
Today, I was having an extra tough time standing up straight and thought to myself how this really has been one of the worst times to have taken on this challenge. I've been sick, like the full-on FLU sick, THREE times during lent already! THREE! We added two new toddlers to our then one-toddler house hold (that's a total of THREE if you lost count) so I am more exhausted than I've ever been. And today we lost our sixth child to miscarriage. Today, and a lot of days during this lent, but especially today, I didn't want to stand up straight. And when I thought about correcting myself part of me wanted to say "can't I just get a free pass today God?" What I really wanted to do when I got off the phone with the nurse with my lab results was curl up in a ball in my bed for the rest of the day and cry, not stand up straight. But all three toddlers were up from their nap and I had promised we'd go outside and blow bubbles. So I stood up straight and out we went. Well ok, thirty minutes later after herding all the kids into the entry way, tracking down all the coats, shoes and hats, chasing at least two back into the entry way after their escape, putting hats on for the third time, THEN out we went. And when I stepped out the door I was met with a wonderful surprise: it was beautiful weather! Here in Minnesota we've had a cold winter that just never seems to end. We just got a few inches of snow last night, and this morning the ground was covered with ice and snow. But by this afternoon it was calm and sunny, the snow had mostly melted and it was light jacket weather. I sat on the deck blowing bubbles with the kids, watching them splash in the puddles and just soaked in the warm sunshine. I wish I could share the beautiful view I had from my deck this afternoon that made me realize why it was so important to God that I chose to stand up straight this Lent. See what I would be missing if I was in bed? And not just what I would be missing today. Today is my son's third birthday. It's amazing to think of the blessing he has been to us and all of the joy he has brought us. I am so very glad we chose to quit sulking and stand up to the challenge God was facing us with when we agreed to take care of him. I didn't think I had the strength to do what I was being asked then, and I know I don't have the strength to stand up straight on a day like today and that is one of the things I love most about my God. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness." 2 Cor 12:9 Thank you, thank you, thank you for making me strong when I am weak and helping me see the joy over the sorrow.

Stay Long Enough to Find Jesus

I often read the "Word Among Us" daily catholic devotions that follow the daily Mass readings. Today, one line was all I needed. It was a reflection on the commandment to love others as you love God, and the passage where Jesus says "just as you did for the least of these you have done for me."
I am a huge believer that there is good in every person, we just have to look harder to find it in some than we do in others. And it is what we look for that we will find. So if we are looking for flaws we will often miss the good completely. I love hearing people's stories. If I could spend all day just listening to life stories I would be content. There is so much greatness, and so much to be learned, and the more I learn, the more I see Jesus, see that goodness, and come to love others. But at a distance it is easy to dislike or even hate people. When we don't know them or their stories we can easily label them or use a specific thing to tell ourselves they are a "bad" person.
Today, the devotion said, "stay long enough to find Jesus". A great challenge for us all, when we are struggling to find the good in someone then that must be a person that needs us to try harder. Spend more time with them, ask more questions, share more of ourselves so that they will share themselves. Never giving up, and always staying long enough to find Jesus. :)

Our Lives are in Your Hands

One of the song that our church praise band often sings has the chorus of "our lives are in your hands" (Landry). There are times when I sing that song and it's a comforting and peaceful chorus to sing, and then there are times when it's more reluctant or scary. I always have to catch myself when I get that "scared" feeling and question why I am feeling that way. Am I losing trust in my God? Do I not believe that in His hands is the best place for my life to be? I do the same thing every time I pray the Lord's Prayer, that line "thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven." Sometimes we say that line and wince a little bit wondering just what pain, suffering and struggle it will bring. But if that's our reaction, it means it's time to do a little looking into our relationship with God.

Being in foster care we've done a lot of learning about attachment disorder. This brief explanation won't do it justice but just a snapshot: Basically humans learn how to trust and develop relationship in their very earliest years of life. As infants they cry when they have needs (hungry, wet, etc), their needs are met (they get fed and changed), therefore they learn to trust their caregivers. As they grow older they learn to give and receive love and that they can count on their caregivers being there for them. When this does not happen, children can suffer from attachment disorder. They learn that their needs won't be met, that they can't trust their caregivers to meet their needs or always be there for them. Therefore they push away anyone who tries to care for them because they don't trust them and don't want to have to rely on anyone.

It seems ridiculous to us as adults that only want to help this child, but in their minds no one can be trusted. Everyone has let them down or hurt them, they are better off doing it themselves.
I took a 2 year old swimming once and while she was wearing a life jacket, she was still only two years old and not so great at keeping herself balanced to keep her head above water. She would be ok for a while and then her weight would shift and she'd be thrashing and struggling to stay above. She'd go through this cycle over and over. Each time I would reach out to hold her or help her stay up, she would push me away and say "get away from me". She wouldn't even let me hold on to the strap of her life jacket. Most 2 year olds after dipping their head under water would cling to their parents. It seemed she would rather have struggled and even drowned than let me help her.

Doesn't that picture look a little familiar to us though? I think it seems sometimes like we all suffer from attachment disorder with our God. We have all been in that place in our life where we are struggling to keep our head above water or maybe we feel like we are drowning. Why do we push away the only one who can help us? Maybe it's because some where along the way we believed the lie that God let us down. That he wasn't there for us when we needed him. Maybe we think He hurt us, and we'd be much better off if we didn't have to rely on him but just did it ourselves.

There's two problems there: The first is that they're all lies. He never let you down, He was always there, and He would never ever hurt you. Have you seen a picture of Him lately, up there on the cross? Over the top of all the lies the devil wants you to believe will always be the image of the depth of His love for you. Can you really believe that the one who loved you THAT much ever wanted you to cry a single tear or feel one ounce of pain?  How do we forget that as much as we love our own children He loves us even more? My husband and I struggled with this with the deaths of our children. People would often say things like "it must have been God's plan" or "He needed an angel in heaven." I know they were trying to comfort us, but those are the exact things that the devil wants us to think. At the time, I couldn't explain why I couldn't carry a pregnancy and it would have been easy to believe that God was killing my children in my womb because it was "their time". But the thing is, I know my God better than that. Have you ever heard a rumor about your best friend and just laughed at it because it's so far from the truth? You know it because you know that person so well. When you are faced with the tough stuff that you can't explain, cling on to the God that you know. The one who laid down His life for you. The one you know in your heart would never hurt you. And quit listening to the devil, even if he uses your grandma to say it. Try listening to the truth instead:
 "Can a mother forget her infant, be without tenderness for the child of her womb? Even should she forget, I will never forget you."Is 49:14-15

The other problem is that just like that 2 year old in 4 feet of water, we can't do it without Him. No matter how much we want to, we were built to need Him. Without Him, we will spend our whole life struggling to stay above water or we will drowned. But if we can look into his heart and see His love for us and allow ourselves to trust Him again, then we can really live.

The beautiful verse of that song is so reassuring to me when I think about myself and when I think about that 2 year old: "Our own belief in you, o Lord, is only a shadow of your faith in us." Our God has faith that she can learn to trust again, and He has faith that we can learn to trust again too.

Lent is starting in two days on Ash Wednesday. What a beautiful opportunity to get to know our God better, spend more time with Him, lay our questions, hurts, heartaches at his feet so that we can truly feel joy when we say "our lives are in your hands".

Sometimes You Feel the Nails

Our life has taken a crazy turn and we now have three children under the age of 3 living in our house. A lot of people have said it's difficult enough going from one kid to two, but going from one kid to three toddlers takes a little getting used to. We are, to say the least, tired. After the first few days I remember telling a friend that my whole body ached. I wasn't sure if it was from the actual physical change of picking up 3 kids during the course of the day instead of one or if I was just that tired from running after them.
The behaviors of all three kids have extremely challenged us. The last few weeks have been the hardest in my short span as a parent. I spend my days putting kids in and taking them out of time outs. I don't need much of a vocabulary. I feel if I could just be programmed with a pull string that switches off the phrases of  "please stop screaming", "don't hit", "do you want to go to time out?" and "we say please when we want something" that would be sufficient. If I get 30 seconds to myself its if I was lucky enough to sneak off to the bathroom without anyone seeing me and I can pee in peace, but most often there are two or three screaming and pounding on the door, and that's if I was able to even get the door closed to begin with. 
We have good days and bad days. Today was a bad day of tantrums and much-too-short naps that is a reminder of the sacrifice of being a parent. No one really prepares you, or maybe you just don't listen, for just how hard it is. That you'll give up pretty much everything you like to do for yourself. That you will lose touch with your best friends because its next to impossible to have an uninterrupted phone conversation. That you'll pass up countless opportunities to "climb the ladder" in your career because you can't possibly work those hours or don't have the energy the position requires because you give it all at home. That to the outside world you seem self-centered or air-headed because you shirk volunteering responsibilities, miss bridal showers and bacherlorette parties or one more committee meeting because your family needs you to be home. That you will change from a confident, smart woman that doesn't need anyones approval to someone who second guesses every decision you make and then cries in the public bathroom when someone makes a judgemental comment about your parenting choices.
I remember in the first few months after my son came to live with us wondering why no one tells you those things. I assumed either they keep quiet because otherwise they would never get grand kids or because misery loves company - ha ha suckers! But as my son got older and we fell more and more in love with him each day I realized it was because ....it's worth it.
It came to me gently, as our God so often is with something that's going to hurt. In the gospel of Mark today (Mk 9:30-37) it begins with Jesus telling the disciples how he will be killed and then rise again in three days.  I realized Jesus came for the purpose of hanging on that cross, but this is a rare occurrence of him talking about it. He had his bad days too: "O faithless generation, how long will I be with you? How long will I endure you?" (Mk 9) and then the worst day of all when he was nailed to the cross. But he doesn't dwell on his sacrifices back then, and I would bet he's not up in heaven right now complaining about how much those nails hurt, because to Him, for reasons none of us will ever understand, it was worth it.
I often pray that I can have the patience and unconditional love that my mother has and the humor and sacrificial spirit that my father has. I realized today I must pray most of all to be the humble and joyful parent that Jesus is. I realize that some days I am going to "feel the nails" of parenting, but when that sweet little voice says "I love you" or even just says "please" for the first time it will all be worth it. If only I can quit focusing on the sacrifice and instead see the joy.
Moms, if you still aren't convinced this gospel is for you, and if you ever find yourself wondering "did I even get one thing accomplished today?" just continue reading to the end where He says: "anyone who wishes to be first shall be last" and "whoever receives one child such as this in my name receives me..." Message received. We do matter. It is important. It is WORTH IT.

Do you not have Faith?

We just returned from vacation in Florida which was beautiful and sunny and quite different from the blizzard that we left and returned home to in Minnesota. But we were happy to come back and wrap our 2 year old Nathaniel in our arms. He got to spend time with our friends and their kids while we were gone and guess what: he loves having siblings. This is how our conversation went the day after we returned home.
N: Mom, is this my home?
A: Yes.
N: Why?
A: Because this is where we live.
N: Why? (you can see what stage he's at)
A: Because you and mommy and daddy live here.
N: Why?
A: Because we are a family.
N: Why?
A: Because God put us together and made us a family.
N: Mom, I want a bigger family.
A: Oh really? Well then you'll have to pray and ask God for more brothers and sisters.

Now, every prayer at bedtime, mealtime, etc starts with "Jesus, more brothers and sisters"

He is just so sweet, I'm thinking for sure God won't be able to say no to him :) but really, I already had a bad case of baby fever and now it's even worse! But honestly, it's just a reminder of my need to be patient and trusting, so those are the things I'm praying for. I know that God laid our family out before I was born and I know that he will bring our children to us exactly when it is right for our family. I KNOW that his plan will bring me so much more joy than anything I could dream up. But I just have to remind myself of that daily. The gospel today was the perfect reminder:

Gospel mk 4:35-41

On that day, as evening drew on, Jesus said to his disciples:
“Let us cross to the other side.”
Leaving the crowd, they took Jesus with them in the boat just as he was.
And other boats were with him.
A violent squall came up and waves were breaking over the boat,
so that it was already filling up.
Jesus was in the stern, asleep on a cushion.
They woke him and said to him,
“Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?”
He woke up,
rebuked the wind,
and said to the sea, “Quiet! Be still!”
The wind ceased and there was great calm.
Then he asked them, “Why are you terrified?
Do you not yet have faith?”
They were filled with great awe and said to one another,
“Who then is this whom even wind and sea obey?”

 

He is with us on this journey, even when the waves get big and we don't feel him present, he is there and there is never a need to worry. I know I need to just quit worrying and enjoy the ride, enjoy this time with our little family and listening to the direction He is calling us right now, instead of wishing for something different. Today, I'm praying for patience as I wait and also praying to live in the moment and enjoy every second without worrying about the future. I think I'll start by putting that quote on my bathroom mirror: "Do you not have faith?" Of course I do, so then of course there is no reason to worry, only reason to celebrate and be joyful while we wait. :)

The Infertility Post No One Wants to Read

My husband and I have been married for 6 years, in that time we have lost 5 children. We’ve spent thousands of dollars on tests, surgeries, doctor’s appointments, and medications. We’ve lived on a roller coaster of emotions from joy after months spent trying to get pregnant yielded 2 pink lines, to the worry when things started to go wrong, and the complete devastation at the loss of a child, and worst of all the helpless feeling when my child was dying inside of me and there was nothing I could do.

To tell you more details would be a book, one that is still being written, but I felt the need to post this brief version because I feel it’s something that’s missing on the internet about infertility. So, here it goes:

When my husband and I wanted to start a family and we were met with such disappointment and pain, it led to me being very bitter and jealous. After losing our 3^rd child it’s safe to say that I “hated” pregnant women. ALL pregnant women everywhere. I didn’t feel any of them were as deserving as my husband and I were, and especially the ones close in our families it was very difficult to see them blessed with children while it was so hard for us to get pregnant, and then when we did it felt like we were being tortured because we had to watch them all die.

 I heard a priest say once that envy is admiring something someone else has and wishing you had it too, but jealousy is not wanting them to have it either because you don’t have it. It’s a deadly sin and I was so guilty. I didn’t think that they should have children because I couldn’t either. I know it sounds horrible and I would love to keep those terrible thoughts to myself so you don’t think less of me, but I want you to understand the horrible place you can let infertility take you too.

A very close family member’s unexpected pregnancy announcement was the last straw for me. I was so angry at them and so angry at God for “doing this to me”. But as I was praying for help to get through this I suddenly realized, “when did I get like this?” When did I become this terrible person that wished infertility on others, that thought since I can’t have it neither can they? Most importantly, when did I decide that I had to have children to be happy? A long time ago I placed my life in God’s hands, no matter where he was leading me I trusted that his plan would bring me the most the most joy. And time and time again He had proven that to me. But once I got married I guess I kind of quit asking him for direction and just decided that kids were the only thing that was going to make me happy. And that is the problem with infertility. When you’re told you can’t have something you just want it more than ever. And so many of us when faced with an obstacle will do whatever it takes to get it, and we won’t be happy until we do. And we forget that someone who loves us more than anyone else on the planet has a plan for us to be happy, if we would just put our lives in his hands. It’s not just couples struggling with infertility that struggle with this, it’s single people that want to be married, married people that want to be single, poor people that want to be rich, the list goes on and on. The beauty of it all is that if we can just get over the “poor me’s” and trust where he’s leading us, I promise we will always find the greatest joy that life holds.

So I titled this post the one “nobody wants to read” because it’s true. When I was struggling with infertility or something else difficult I just wanted to feel sorry for myself and I wanted the rest of the world to too. I found all kinds of infertility blogs to share my sorrow and we could all try to charge forward and get what we wanted together. And maybe if I had read a post like this I wouldn’t have listened anyway, but I do feel that so many infertility articles and posts did me a disservice because they played right into my game of getting what I wanted.

So here’s my contribution, what I want to say to everyone I meet that’s struggling with infertility but don’t have the guts to. It’s time to let go of what YOU want and start asking what HE wants for you. Probably, you’re missing out on a whole lot of great gifts waiting for you while you’re sitting there sulking about the one you didn’t get. A perfect example: while I was praying and praying for kids I was blessed with 10 nieces and nephews and 8 godchildren, that's a crazy lot of kids! All those times I was angry at God for “hurting” me by allowing my close friends and family to get pregnant like he was rubbing it in or something. Now it’s easy to see he was answering my prayers by surrounding me with the babies I longed for.

I think a lot of people go through infertility, jump through hoops of fire and spend a million dollars and finally get the child they want, and maybe they will be happy because they got what they wanted. But maybe there is a much greater joy that’s waiting, if only they could trust their Father. I’m praying for each of you reading this that you can trust him enough to follow Him into the scary and unknown place he’s leading you. It won’t be easy, but you won’t be disappointed.

 

*A final note, for any family or friends reading this: I am deeply sorry for hating you while you were pregnant. Please know I love you and your children and consider you one of the greatest blessings in my life. I’m so sorry for any hurt I ever caused you while I was being self-centered.

The Trouble with Blogging

I recently read a blog post from a pastor/writer about his and his wife's struggle with infertility. And while there were some good points in the blog and I'm sure others struggling with infertility could relate to some of the emotions he was sharing, it was misleading and I was reminded of the trouble of blogging. Some great advice was given to me when I started ministry about sharing testimonials. Its always advised that you don't share about something that you are currently struggling with, it should be something from the past. This is because you have had time to see the outcome and the full lesson. When you are in the midst of something God's plan hasn't fully been revealed to you or you are still processing the information. When you share about it before it's over you risk sharing something false, that you'll later have to retract. But when sharing at a retreat there's a good chance you won't see those people again, and for sure with the thousands or millions of people a blog can reach, you may never un-do the damage you have done by speaking falsely. Blogging is so instant, and so often people use it as an outlet when struggling with something, especially with infertility. I know I have read quite a few infertility blogs and with it read so many pieces of advice that have been given out that are only making things worse for those that are struggling. I will give them a little grace because they are infertility blogs and I take them as a form of online journals and hopefully others see them that way too. But this blog was from a pastor who had quite a large following of people who are looking to him for spiritual guidance. It's a good reminder for me of the importance of every word I put on-line. Each sentence can impact someones life for the better or for the worse. I pray that the words I write may be exactly what people need to hear and never lead them down the wrong path.

If you'd like my thoughts on infertility, watch for a post soon. I want to prayerfully consider it before it's posted. :)

All In

There are so many parts of my Catholic faith that I often take for granted because they have become so normal to me. Like breathing, it's so essential to our life, but we fail to think about it until we're under water and can't. Once we're swimming we have to plan our breaths, it's really all we think about. If we forget, we die. So we don't forget, we make it our central focus.

Baptism is one of those things that was always around. I witnessed a lot of them, it was just a normal thing that every baby went through the motions of. We've seen it done a hundred times, they poor the water, say the words, make the sign of the cross, etc. I came across a YouTube video a few years ago that opened my eyes to recognize the beauty of baptism. A pastor was doing some full immersion baptisms. He was standing in water up to his chest in a clear tub and the teens and adults being baptized were getting into the tub one by one and then of course he would do the normal thing, tip them back under the water, say the words...all pretty standard. But then, he motions for the next person to get in, and before he can even look at them, here comes a 12 year old that cannonballs into the tub. He got some huge laughs from the people and luckily the pastor had a sense of humor too.

It just really struck me, that kid knew what he was doing. Baptism is all about giving your WHOLE life to God. We can't hold anything back, we have to go ALL IN. None of this dip your toe in or just dangling your feet in or even wade in slowly while your body adjusts to the water temperature. Jesus asks for all of us. It's a cannonball, there's no turning back when you realize the water is cold, you committed to it the moment your feet left the ground. And now, every day when we make the sign of the cross we sign ourselves as belonging to Him, we recommit to the mission He's called us to. I need a reminder of that, when I start just going through the motions, that I need to stay focused on Him. In order to commit to Him it means I have to leave the "safe" stuff behind - let my feet leave the ground. And remember that He is my source of life on this earth, and I have to keep focused on Him every day and keep re-committing to him every day. My life depends on it.

I'll leave you with a beautiful mission from the first reading today...remember - ALL IN - what's he calling you to today?

"Thus says the LORD:
Here is my servant whom I uphold,
my chosen one with whom I am pleased,
upon whom I have put my spirit;
he shall bring forth justice to the nations,
not crying out, not shouting,
not making his voice heard in the street.
a bruised reed he shall not break,
and a smoldering wick he shall not quench,
until he establishes justice on the earth;
the coastlands will wait for his teaching.

I, the LORD, have called you for the victory of justice,
I have grasped you by the hand;
I formed you, and set you
as a covenant of the people,
a light for the nations,
to open the eyes of the blind,
to bring out prisoners from confinement,
and from the dungeon, those who live in darkness." Is 42 1-4, 6-7

The True Magic of Christmas

"The anointing that you received from Him remains in you, so that you do not need anyone to teach you. But his anointing teaches you about everything and is true…” 1 John 2:27

My favorite name for Jesus is Emmanuel, which means God with us. In life we have so many ups and downs, joys, heartbreaks, triumphs, sorrows and sometimes life is just the same and gets monotonous. It can feel like that after Christmas, we take down the decorations and lights, the parties are all over and we settle back into "normal" life. But the TRUE magic of Christmas is that when Christ came, he never left. Long after the lights turn off and the last gift is opened, Christ remains. Sometimes the season of Christmas being over can almost feel like going back to the real world after a retreat. You had this great experience and now you have to learn how to continue to keep that energy and relationship going in a much less safe and easy environment. We won't have daily reminders to keep focused on Him, and the next month won't be all about leading up to one special day to celebrate Him. But if we can just let His name "Emmanuel" echo in our hearts, hopefully we can take advantage of His presence with us everywhere we go, helping us, guiding us through everything we encounter, good, bad and boring alike. God with us.

The Gift that Keeps Giving

“I made known to them your name and I will make it known, that the love with which you loved me may be in them and I in them.” John 17:26

Recently, my brother-in-law, who is the jokester, of the family gave 3 pet rabbits to his younger sister as a gift. This of course meant that my mother and father-in-law got 3 new pets to take care of that they didn’t ask for or want. I think they have been pretty great sports about the whole situation as they made a cage and continue to keep and feed the “unwanted” pets. A few days before Christmas, they went to the cage only to find their 3 rabbits had been joined by 7 tiny baby bunnies! The kids were overjoyed! Their parents had a different sentiment. As outsiders not affected by the situation we could simply smile and say, “It’s the gift that keeps giving!” (and pray our son doesn’t get a baby bunny for his birthday as our punishment for mocking the situation.)
Lucky for us, we received a gift more than 2000 years ago that keeps giving: Jesus Christ. He walked on earth with us, and now the Holy Spirit is with us everywhere we go. He lives in us and beauty of it all is the more we share Him with others, the more joy and love we receive in return. The true “gift that keeps giving.”

Here's a photo of our advent calendar with most* of our Christmas cards, a good visual of how when we give our love away it's returned to us times 10!

 

I pray that you’ll take advantage of the opportunities that are placed in front of you to love others and let his love and peace continue to multiply in your heart and theirs.

*Thanks to everyone who sent us cards, I absolutely love this time of year, it's so fun to get the mail and there's more than just bills! I took this before Christmas so we're still getting a few straggler cards which I love because it prolongs the fun!