My New Secret to being the Patient, Loving, Joyful Parent I want to be

I've said it a million times. Parenting is the hardest job I've ever had. I love my kids but there are so many days at the end of the day that I re-play my day and come up with a list a mile long of times I failed as a parent that day. I lost my temper to quickly with one child because I was already frustrated with another, I caused a fight by putting on the pants myself instead of letting her do it because we were running late. I missed a fun moment because I was responding to an email. The kids got bored and started pushing each other because I was sending a text message. I promised them we bake cookies after nap and then forgot to do it. I responded to bad behavior with anger instead of love. All those moments re-play every night. There are times by 4 o'clock I am just praying that my husband will be home soon to rescue me because I am really struggling. And there are many times at the end of the night I tell him "I'm just not good at this parenting thing." But right now he's in his busy season at work which means he works 18 hour days, leaves before the kids get up and doesn't get home until they (and usually me too) are sleeping. So, without him to lean on, I found myself in serious need of some help, and that's when I grabbed my rosary. Who better than to intercede for me that the greatest mother that ever lived? Where else can I learn patience than from meditating on the life of the most patient man that ever walked the face of the earth? So I decided I would pray one rosary every day to be a better parent. I try to start my day with the rosary, if the kids wake up to early then I pray it at nap-time. If they don't nap I pray it before I go to bed. It is amazing the affect it has had upon me as a parent.
I'm not good at this parenting thing, and I realized that's exactly why I'm being asked to be a parent and foster parent. I was good at my job, I was good at ministry. It came so easy for me, I had the skills for it. But so often, God calls us to things that we aren't good at, that we don't have the skills for, so that we learn to rely on him and allow Him to work. He can do far greater things through someone who hands their life over than through someone who is talented and doing it all themselves. And looking back I remember that when I first started ministry, I thought God was crazy for calling me to it, because I had no idea what I was doing. But I started every day, every event with the prayer: "I am your tool, please use me as you wish."
I know I can't do this without Him. I can't be the parent he needs to me to be, but He can through me if I let Him. The simple act of falling to my knees and asking desperately for help every day, that is my secret.
The rosary is an often misunderstood catholic devotion. One that I myself misunderstood for many years and therefore ignored and missed out on. While some say it's meaningless prayer to recite the same words over and over again, and others say we're worshiping Mary, all are mistaken. The rosary does involve praying the same words over and over again, many of which are taken directly from scripture. But the point of the rosary is to meditate on the mysteries which follow the life of Jesus Christ. The repetitive prayers are meant to be easy to say so that you can really think about the mystery. When I meditate on the birth of the king of the world into poverty or his scourging or cruxificion I find understanding and perspective on my own suffering. When I wrap my mind around the resurection, the coming of the holy spirit, and the ascension I am given so much hope.
The rosary has been such an important part of my life over the last few years. When I was suffering through the loss of my children, it was a way to pray when I couldn't possibly find any words to say. When I needed my God most but didn't feel like I could talk to Him, I found the connection in the rosary and it gave me the peace I was longing for.
My goal as a parent is to be more like Christ. I fail at that goal in one way or another daily, but with the help of meditating on his life and asking for the intercession of Mary daily, each day gets a little bit better.
Mary, please pray for me. You are an inspiration as a mother and I desire to be more like you and more like you're son. Please ask that I may have the grace to be the parent I need to be.

How are you celebrating Holy Week?

I've been a really bad parent at helping my kids understand Lent and Easter, but like any good procrastinator decided Holy Week would be a great time to start! So I did some googling/pintresting (those are words right?) and came across some great ideas. I'll share mine and if anyone else has any to share please do!

We made homemade pretzles on Monday (simple bread and water for fasting during lent) and talked about the pretzel being like arms folded in prayer. It was perfect because my kids love to do a big AMEN and wrap their arms around themselves like they are giving themselves a hug, looks just like the pretzel. So we did a lot of big "AMEN's"! Plus, they were tasty!

Saturday we are going to make Easter Story Cookies so I'm excited to see how that turns out, I will let you know! And Sunday I am planning on bringing the stuff to make Resurrection Rolls to my moms to make with my kids and my nephews.

I found all of these ideas and so many more good ones that we don't have time for on CatholicIcing.com If you are looking for good kids activities definitely check it out! If you click on the links above it will take you to those directions.

Have fun celebrating!

The "F" Word

Forgiveness is actually what I’m talking about. It raises the hair on the back of my neck. It’s one thing that I’ve always struggled with. Recently, I was reading the story of the woman who Jesus saved from being stoned to death and I felt him tugging on my heart about forgiveness. And the more I prayed and reflected on the story, the more I realized that forgiveness is the entire theme for lent. If we go through Lent and don’t understand the way we are forgiven we have missed the point. And if we don’t allow that realization to move us to forgive others then we really never got it in the first place.

Sure, I have forgiven many people that have hurt me. It’s easier when you can understand their point of view, or you grow spiritually or you even realize you were wrong too. But the ones I struggle with most are the ones that have hurt people I care about, like my parents, my kids, or even the church or the mission of Christ. Like when someone takes advantage of my parents generous hearts, or the parents of many of my foster kids who forget the beautiful gift they’ve been given and do so much damage to those little hearts, or the people in ministry that neglect their jobs or take advantage of the church.

 I attended Stations of the Cross a couple weeks ago and one of the stations reflected on the fact that Mary forgave the people who tortured and crucified her son. I had never thought about it before, but she walked beside them and watched them hurt not only her son but her God. I can’t imagine watching someone do that! She didn’t lash out, and in the end, she had to live the rest of her life alongside those people. She didn’t store up resentment or bitterness, but she forgave them. Wow. If she could do that, I know God is telling me I can forgive those that hurt Him and that hurt the people I care about. So I brought it into confession, I knew I had been wrong for holding on to those grudges, and I asked for forgiveness and then the priest did something I wasn’t expecting. When I got done telling God I was sorry for not forgiving he asked me: “are you able to forgive those people now?” Wait, what? It caught me off guard. I’m just realizing I’m sorry for it, I’m not sure I’m ready to actually forgive those people! But he was right; if I was really sorry I had to do it. And I will forever be indebted to that priest, because right there in that moment with the help of the grace of the Holy Spirit my heart changed, and I knew I was ready and I forgave them. And what a beautiful, beautiful feeling that is! I’ve been to confession many times, and every time you walk out feeling lighter, but I could have floated out of that confessional for the weight that was lifted off of my shoulders.

Granted, just like every sin, I’ll continue to struggle. I will need to remind myself daily of my choice to forgive them so I don’t slip back into it, but the freedom I get from it is so worth the struggle, as well as the joy I know my Father gets from it. As a parent of 3 toddlers right now, I don’t know how many times a day I ask “why can’t you guys just get along?” I spend most of the day breaking up fights over toys, snacks, who gets to swing first, you name it. There’s such joy in watching all three kids play nicely together. I know when I forgive, when I do my best to “play nicely” with my brothers and sisters here on earth, my Father in heaven can sit back and relax and look down and smile on us, and that’s all I need for it to be worth it.  There’s no greater joy than making Him proud. J