You can really tell it’s September in SW Minnesota today. It’s an absolutely beautiful day, low 70’s, sun is shining, and a perfect slight breeze. But it’s the change in the air that means September. The just ever-so-slight change of a dry warmth over the more moist or humid warm that summer brings. And while I love the perfect days, and enjoy the feeling of slipping on a sweatshirt when the evenings and mornings are chilly and looking forward to pumpkin-spiced-everything, I can’t help but mourn the loss of summer. I’m never, ever ready for it to end. I was trying to explain the season change to my 3 year old Nathaniel today because he asked if we could go to the pool. I told him it was closed because summer was almost over and he did not like that at all. In an effort to lift his spirits I told him that soon we’d be able to make piles of leaves to jump in and he was so excited. And then I told him winter comes next and in the winter it snows! “And then what do we do?” I asked. His eyes went to the side as he thought about it and got a big smile on his face, “make a snowman,” his eyes sparkling with excitement. “Yep,” I answered. “I’m going to make this many snowmans” he said, holding up 10 fingers.
His optimism was just the reminder I needed that even though I would miss summer, there was other joy to be found in the coming seasons. I remember reading an article on foster care that talked about the importance of loss. Many of us try to avoid loss as much as possible. Of course we don’t like it, it’s a very difficult and unpleasant thing so of course we would avoid it. But the article explained that loss is a part of life, and those that accept that and welcome situations where they expect loss to eventually occur instead of avoiding them are actually happier people. I was so happy for someone to put it into words like that because as foster parents we constantly hear “I could never do that,” or “how do you do it when they go back home?” like there’s something wrong with us for putting ourselves into situations where our hearts will inevitably be broken.
So why are we happier, the ones who supposedly suffer more because we experience more loss and heartache? I believe it’s because we love and live like today is our last day. I rarely ever know how many more days I will get to spend with a child. It could be just a day, it could be weeks, often it’s short notice when they are going to leave. And so I try so hard to fill every moment with every ounce of love and fun I can and I soak up every smile, laugh, hug and kiss. Of course we can’t live every day at an amusement park, but I can remind myself that the dishes can wait when the fireflies are out for chasing and the laundry won’t run away (even though I keep hoping) when someone wants to read 15 books in my lap. Is it absolutely terrible when they leave and I gave them a huge piece of my heart? Absolutely. I’m positive I’ve cried more tears than most my age, but I’m also pretty sure I’ve laughed and loved more than most too. The truth is, none of us are promised tomorrow with our children, but history of everyone waking up and living each day in our home has given us a false sense of security that tomorrow will be the same. Our blessing as foster parents is that we know all we are promised is today, and we make it count.
As our summer fades away I’m sure I’ll find myself wishing I
had swam one more time, caught a few more fish or soaked in the warm sun just
like after another child leaves I’ll find myself wishing I had taken one more
hug or danced one more song because no matter what it’s never enough. But I
won’t stay wishing for long, I’ll turn my face to the beauty of the new season
that’s upon me and the children that are with me now and try to not miss a
minute. Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s a sleeping baby I need to be snuggling
while I avoid the pile of dishes overtaking my kitchen. Maybe if they grow
large enough they’ll come to life and cook me something for dinner.
Jesus said: "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?" Luke 12:25. Instead, just love, play, laugh...right now!
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