To the Women who Made me Mom

To my children's birth mothers on Mother's Day:
I thought of you all day today. The country celebrated mother's day, they celebrated me. Except I've always felt a little bit of an imposter on this day. Its a day that has brought so many tears and hurt for so many years as I waited to be a mom and as I mourned the loss of the children I did have but never got to hold.
You changed all that. You saw me and thought I should be a mom. Not just any mom, but a mama to your baby.  Your precious child that you loved for 9 months as he grew inside of you. That you had hopes and dreams for. That you marveled about what he would look like and what his laugh might sound like. You held him when he was born and touched his beautiful skin, felt the miracle of his heart beat and heard the incredible sound of his cry. And you gave the greatest gift you've ever been given...to me. I still can't wrap my head around it. I can't even take in the way that you love him. I think I will spend my entire life marveling at your love and selflessness.
Today, all the moms stood at church to receive a blessing and be honored, but I sat. I sat not because I am an imposter. I know I'm a "real" mom too. But I sat because I thought all around the country there were women "sitting" in pews holding back tears because they want so desperately to be standing. I sat because I knew seeing me standing and juggling my 15 month old in a strapped on infant carrier while I hold my 20 month old on my hip and try to keep my 2 year old from falling off the pew would be like flaunting my blessings in front of someone who still prays to be blessed. I sat most of all because somewhere out there I wondered if maybe you were sitting, not sure if you deserved to stand because your child doesn't live with you. I sat because I realized this day has probably become harder for you now than it used to be for me.  And I prayed that you would know, that you deserve to stand more than anyone else I know. Because you understand what it means to be a mom more than many. Putting their best interest before your own with the absolute greatest cost of giving your child.
I sat and prayed for the other mothers standing, and I prayed that God would bless you greater than you have blessed me. I prayed that you would know His peace and that your sacrifice would not go unrewarded.
I will send photos and letters and visit from time to time and each time I will tell you that I love you, but I don't know if you will ever understand how much. And I will say "thank you" and give little gifts but it won't ever come close to expressing what my soul can't put into words. You made me a mom. Right along side my job as wife, it's the greatest (and hardest) but seriously, GREATEST job I will ever have. To be the one they want to snuggle with in the morning, to kiss a scraped knee, to cut their sandwich just right, to tell their secrets to and give all their best kisses too, just to be the one that they call mom, that is the greatest blessing.
You are, and forever will be, my hero. Happy Mothers Day, to one of the greatest mom's I know!