Look Up Child

You cannot hit the ball when you aren't looking at it. We love baseball in this house. It helps that my 9 year old is insanely good at it, something I can take no credit for, as my sister-in-law likes to say "he came out of the womb throwing a fast ball". But my 5 year year old has followed suit and can hit a pretty mean line drive with his scrawny little arms. We spend a lot of hours playing baseball and watching baseball and with lots of little friends over to play often I've found the secret to helping a child hit the ball is just to get them to look at it. We say that phrase, "keep your eye on the ball" but that doesn't really register well to young kids. They don't seem to understand that they stop looking at the ball long before it hits their bat. And often when someone is having trouble hitting, parents and coaches will start offering advice about their stance or keeping their elbows up or swinging sooner, etc, but the reality is none of that stuff matters if you just won't look at the ball. Once you are looking at the ball those things can greatly refine your hit but if you're not looking they just seem to take your focus off of looking at the ball even more. And then add lots of people watching and now it's harder than ever to look at that tiny little ball that is so small compared to everything else going on.

Alright, enough baseball, where am I going with this? I've been a roller coaster of emotions during the last couple months as the world as we know it has stopped/gone crazy/fill in the blank with whatever you would call it. I've been upset with politicians, media, church leaders, and random people spewing their anger at the world. I've been worried about the future of our country, about the spiritual and emotional health of others, about my foster children and others,  and always unfortunately about what people will think. But every time I find myself upset or worried I realize its because I'm not watching the ball. I'm looking around at everything else that doesn't matter, and I'm not watching Jesus. My eyes are so fixed on the crowd I have no chance of hitting the ball that is the whole reason I am here.
I think of the story of Jesus and Peter walking on water in Matthew 14. When Peter walks on water notice he does just fine while he is looking at Jesus, but as soon as he starts to notice the wind and waves and he starts to sink.

"Peter got out of the boat and began to walk on the water toward Jesus.But when he saw how [strong] the wind was he became frightened; and, beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!” Mt 14:29-30

The wind and waves weren't new. They were there when he started out. But he didn't care because he was watching Jesus. The fact that the man was actually walking on water and still lost faith is incredible isn't it? I feel like that first step would be the hardest and after that it should be a piece of cake! But I'm guessing that was probably the problem. We tend to set out on something really hard knowing full well we can't do it ourselves and relying on the Holy Spirit for help. But once we start to do well, we sometimes start putting too much stock in ourselves, we might start to think we're walking on the water from our own greatness and not that of Jesus. And that might be scary, because  when Jesus had it covered there wasn't anything to be afraid of but if it's more about our ability, those waves are suddenly looking a lot bigger.

I have got to keep my eyes looking up, looking toward heaven, to the finish line, to Jesus. When I start looking around, reading news articles, scrolling social media, wondering or caring what others are doing or thinking, I am completely missing the ball. I am afraid, and distracted. But when I remember what this is all about, when I remember the promises, when I just remember He is here right now, then I am just fine. I can do what I've been put here to do, and it won't matter how high the waves get or how unbelievable it might seem to someone still standing in the boat.

One of the many blessings of this time has been that all of my priest friends who are normally way too busy for this type of thing, have had to start ministering online. It's been wonderful to listen to homilies, reflections, and prayers of these wonderful holy men who are so dear to my heart but are working at other parishes and our paths rarely cross.
One day, one of these Fathers suggested, that as frustrating at this time can be, we should try to make it a "spiritual retreat". A time when so many other things have been cleared off of our schedule, we have this great opportunity to focus on our relationship with God. It spoke peace to my soul like nothing else has during this time. He has continued to offer daily reflections and in them a focus on specifically Jesus being here with us always. We know that. God is everywhere. That's kindergarten theology. And yet, how often during the day do I really feel like He is right there beside me? How often do I talk to Him? I realize I had really put God in a very small window of time to only be present with us when I specifically called on him to pray. Church; of course! My morning prayers,  absolutely! Around the dinner table, yes but just for a quick minute before the food gets cold or a small child starts to whine. But when I am cleaning up the 5th spill of milk for the day? No. I wasn't thinking of Him there when tantrums were being thrown about cleaning the living room. I wasn't thinking He was there when hair was getting pulled or arms were getting pinched by angry preschoolers and toddlers. I surely wasn't face to face with Him when I was being impatient with them about all those things because that would have been awkward. I absolutely wasn't picturing him there in the bedroom when I said those mean things to my husband and I didn't think to check if He was around to talk before the hundreth time I picked up my phone to entertain me for the day.
I totally missed the ball. So many times. Almost all the time. He is and was there for every single one of those moments, wanting to bring peace to them, wanting to share them, wanting to help, wanting to offer love and comfort, and I missed it. Him being in those moments changes everything. It doesn't change the event, but changes my response, changes me, changes the atmosphere. When I'm distracted, when I'm looking around or down, I think it's all up to me. I think I'm the only one who can do anything about it and the waves are too high, the water is too deep. But when I'm looking up, when I'm seeing Him right here with me, I remember I am safe, I am taken care of, and not even that it will all be ok LATER, but that it is ok NOW, even if the storm is all around me, because He is here right now.

Watch the ball all the way until it hits your bat. That's what I tell my little people. Don't just keep one eye on Jesus while you're also thinking about keeping your elbow up and watching the crowd from the corner of your other eye. Make Him your sole focus. Realize He's there and invite him into every moment and watch everything else fall into place. Some of that other stuff is important too, holding your elbow up, planting your feet, learning "new" math so you can teach it, getting supper on the table before 7 pm, and BEING KIND, it's all good stuff! But you gotta connect with the ball before anything else will matter. Because if I don't teach them to see Jesus, life will always be a struggle.

 There's an incredible treasure hidden in this moment in history waiting for you to discover it. He is waiting. Start seeing Him. The joy and peace that's waiting for you I can't even describe. And you will get distracted again, and see the wind and waves, just be sure when you do, you follow Peter's lead and cry "Lord save me." You'll be hand-in-hand with Jesus in no time and you won't even care that all your buddies on the boat just watched you almost sink, because you walked on water with Jesus and they were too afraid to get out of the boat. Ever think about that? Even after they watched Peter get out and walk on water, they still stayed in the boat? They were looking around, at the waves, at Peter, even Peter's success was a distraction, and his failure sealed the deal I'm sure. But had they been looking at Jesus, I think they might have taken some steps of their own.
Keep looking up. Nothing has changed, He is still here, and He's giving us the gift of taking more notice and the beauty that comes with a life walked hand in hand with Jesus.