So, I want to ask. How are you....really? This has been hard hasn't it?
I'm sure we could each pick a specific piece that's been our breaking point, but the combination of so many life changes, additional stress, loss of support systems and isolation has been challenging for everyone. Read that again. EVERYONE. I know, you just read someones facebook post talking about how much they love this time at home with their kids, and they do. But that doesn't mean they haven't cried themselves to sleep because they miss their grandmother whose funeral they weren't allowed to attend. I know your child's teacher is a rockstar who made this distance learning thing look like their best work yet and has had an energetic smile on zoom every day, but you'd be kidding yourself if you didn't think she hasn't slumped to the floor of the empty classroom in tears just aching to hug your kiddos one more time. There are those pastors with thousands of followers preaching words of peace over social media and they have never felt so alone in all their lives. And then there are those that are afraid. Afraid of the virus. Afraid to die or lose someone they love. Afraid of the loss of freedom. Afraid of food shortages. Afraid of losing their business, their home. Afraid of the loss of income, of security, of life as we know it.
But "I'm fine" you'll say when I ask how you are. "It's fine, everything is fine."
So first I'm going to say, let's stop lying to each other. No one is fine right now. No one. I haven't met anyone yet. Ask a few more questions and you get the real answer. No one thinks this is the ideal way to live. We miss each other. We miss church. We need each other and until we resume life lived in community no one will be "fine". For those of you who keep coining the phrase "life won't ever go back to normal" please stop. If you haven't realized already, you will soon, isolation is no way to live. If it was, we would have done it years ago when we discovered just how disease is spread. We decided then, it was worth the risk to be around other people, and I'm quite positive we will collectively decide that again soon, I think most already have.
The problem is, when you pretend you're ok, or even boast about how great you're doing, you make everyone else feel like they are sub-par. The devil swoops right in and fills minds with thoughts of being not good enough, "everyone else is fine why not me? Must be something wrong with me"...Lies. Do me a favor, when you hear that voice, just call the devil a liar to his face and move along please.
The second thing I want to say, is that you actually are going to be fine. I'll be the first to admit there are many days I fall right to the very bottom of the fear hole. There's a lot of scary stuff going on right now. If you watch liberal media we're probably all going to die from a virus or a killer hornet?! If you watch conservative media we are probably one rigged election away from communism and I might be shot just for writing this blog post. If you watch both or neither the fact that media is conservative or liberal to begin with is pretty scary in itself isn't it? Man I miss unbiased and uncensored journalism. Do you think they teach that anymore?
I'm getting off topic, the point is, I realize from most angles things look bleak, and there is a lot of fear. Days when I allow myself to read or watch some of those things are always really hard days. There are a hundred different topics that I have been wanting to write about over the last couple of weeks but there just seems to be one thing that God keeps pointing me back to: "Do not be afraid." Even when it doesn't seem fine, even when the world is in chaos, even when we are lonely, even when everything is different than we hoped it would be, we are fine.
This is the promise of Jesus, of Christianity. If this world is all there is, you're not fine, the world is a mess and doesn't look like it's getting better anytime soon. But if Jesus really lived and died for us so that we could be reunited with God, then we are ok. Everything will be fine. "So you will have pain now; but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy from you." Jn 16:22
This has been a theme and concept I have struggled with and prayed over for the past 9 years as a foster mom. How to be "fine" when I constantly have something to worry about. There have been and always will be children living outside of my home who I love as my own but I cannot protect. There are children living inside my home and I can't control the actions of their birth parents and the emotional effect they have on my kids. There is so very little I have control over, and fear of what is happening or what might happen could completely cripple me, and has on occasion. How do I do it? I get asked that a lot by people who say they could "never do foster care." The answer is simple: I believe this isn't the end of the story, but only the beginning. Whatever happens here, it hurts, it stinks, it bruises us and cuts us and we shed so many tears. But part of that is because we were never meant to live here in the midst of an evil world. We were meant for eternity, for heaven. This pain, this dysfunction of society, it hurts even worse because we weren't meant for it. We were created only to love and be loved, and anything less than that will always leave us hurting, and aching for the real desire of our hearts.
So you really will be fine, everything really is fine because this isn't the end, only the end of hurt and sorrow and the beginning of never ending joy. But until then, you can also be "actually" fine right now. Because that gift that He is giving us of eternal peace and joy is here right, right now wrapped in a bow sitting on your doorstep just waiting for you to open it.
"Jesus answered them, "Do you now believe? The hour is coming, indeed it has come, when you will be scattered, each one to his home, and you will leave me alone. Yet I am not alone because the Father is with me. I have said this to you, so that in me you may have peace. In the world you face persecution. But take courage, I have conquered the world!" Jn 16:32-33
That text from the gospel of John is quite fitting isn't it? But do not miss the promise that's repeated all over the new testament: "I am not alone because the Father is with me." I do not have to wait until I die to experience the peace and joy of unity with the Father. It is a gift that is given now through the Holy Spirit, but it is one we often leave unopened. We forget, we pack it up, we open fear instead. When I remember I am not alone, when I invite the Holy Spirit to be with me, I am just fine. I get this gift in an actual physical way when I receive the actual body of Jesus in the Eucharist, which is why I have cried more tears over the absence of Mass than I've probably ever cried before, and I continue to beg the church to not abandon her people and continue to bring heaven to earth through the sacraments Jesus gave us. But until we can receive them again, the spirit also lives in us through our baptism and we continue to walk in unity with God every day. His peace is there for the taking each day we choose to sit with Him, to talk to Him, to read scripture, and He is there working through others as well. We can long for heaven, and we can also enjoy the peace and freedom of it now if we choose to fully believe.
Now, I'm not saying you're being called to sit back and hum and take naps while the world is crashing around you (and seriously, if you're just watching netflix all day, PLEASE STOP!). I think Jesus was pretty bold in his commands of us to love our neighbors, care for the poor, stand up against injustice, and make other disciples. Don't pray for potatoes without a hoe in your hand is what they teach us out here on the farm. God will grow them but you have to do the work to put them in the ground and take care of them.
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