I know when we decided to home-school I had done so much reading and research, mental preparation and prayer about the decision. I have been thinking of so many of you who have had this completely forced on you, and might also be for the first time home with all of your children instead of at work which is another huge adjustment in itself. And some of you are trying to homeschool and juggle working from home or working during the day and doing the work at night. These are almost impossible things to do well. My daughter's physical therapist called me yesterday and asked "hows life as a stay-at-home mom/teacher/PT/OT/etc? We wouldn't probably in a normal situation take on all of these things because we know we can't do them all well. So the best thing you will do for your mental health, survival, and overall mood is set a clear expectation that the goal here is survival, the basics, not perfection, not even to do any of it well. I don't want to give the impression I don't think you should try at all, we can tend to give in to laziness when faced with something difficult. I'm not saying you shouldn't try at all, I'm just saying if it was your first hike ever, you probably wouldn't expect to climb Mt. Everest and be the best that's ever climbed. Start with the expectation that you'll do the best you can for a first time homeschooler, and allow yourself the freedom to to better or worse than that without extreme expectations.
Speaking of expectations, start with letting go of some you might have for how life has been in the past. Homeschooling takes a lot of time. It is a full time job, you will find ways to get laundry and dishes done etc, but expect that your house will not be clean. I remember when I was working outside the home I had this expectation that once I started to stay home my house would be so much cleaner because I would have more time to clean. WRONG. Because you are home more and LIVING in your home, its messier even though you clean even more. And once I started homeschooling so much time is given to that even more things fall behind. Find a way to be ok with this. Everyone has their own priorities, you will find a balance of where you want to spend your time and what level of clean you can be ok with. I sweep the floor multiple times a day and then I am ok with clutter as long as there aren't crumbs sticking to my feet. One of my friends just needs clean countertops and then she is ok with the mess in the rest of the house. Find what you need for your own sanity and your family's health. The good news is, if you clean for prideful reasons, no one is coming over for a good long time so you'll be fine there. ;)
Accept that you have strengths and weaknesses, and teach your child accordingly. I am not crafty or artistic. Not one bone in my body. So you won't find my fb flooded with crafts that my children are doing. I could easily get discouraged by my super-mom friends who post something different every day they have done with their kids. But I am good at keeping my kids on schedule, reading to them, teaching them their basics, and we have really good music and religion lessons because that's my strength. The best part about this short-term homeschooling thing, is that you don't need to compensate for your weaknesses. When we were homeschooling year-long, I had to find ways to be sure I was still teaching my children the essential art skills. You are homeschooling for two months or less. I know my kids would seriously be just fine if they didn't do a craft that whole entire time. Luckily, the hardest part has been done for us, the teachers have handpicked activities and all the kids work and wrapped it up in a nice little package for us, so we don't have to be creative or even know what our kids need to be learning, we just need to walk beside them as they do it.
The leads to the next important thing. Something I really learned and think is so wonderful about homeschooling is that children CAN learn on their own. The skill to be able to learn things on their own is a very important one that will take them very far in life. Some kids in traditional school never learn this skill because they are always being directed, being fed information. Once your child gets used to not being in the school environment, you will find they get used to independently learning, and they may learn more quickly or retain more because they are taking the initiative to learn on their own. This desire to learn and the recognition that they can learn anything they wish, is crucial to being a lifelong learner and successful in the future. Be ok that if your student read the textbook and did the worksheets correctly they get it, there's no expectation or reason for you to verbally
"teach" the lesson. We tend to think we should because this is how we were taught, but its really only necessary if they are having trouble or not understanding the material.
Give your child ownership of completing their work. When I was homeschooling, my kids had a checklist each day of what they needed to do for the day. That way there is a clear expectation, it's up to them if they want to do it all first thing in the morning or spread it out over the day. Once their checklist is complete they get some reward. For my kids technology is a huge motivator, so they know if they do all their school work and chores AND without complaining or fighting with each other then they can play games on an iPad or computer later in the day. Find what motivates your child, maybe its outside play, maybe its TV, maybe its playing a game with you etc. This is what I found to be probably the most helpful in getting them to just do their work without fighting about it all day.
And there will be fighting. Expect there to be an adjustment period. Just like with anything with parenting, your kids are going to test you to see if you are going to actually follow through and make them do their work. Once they realize you are, they won't push against it each day. So for those of you who are ready to throw in the towel two days in, know that it will get better and know that you aren't the only way feeling that way. As I said, I'm writing this post in response to all my dear friends struggles in hopes that I can help make these next few weeks or months a little less stressful for you and your kids. As one of my best friends texted me in response to how homeschooling was going: "pray for your godchildren bc they are going to need it."
Finally, I can't neglect what I feel is the most important tool I have for home-schooling and stay-at-home parenting. Prayer. We build in prayer time throughout the day with the kids and this is essential. But my days either smooth-sail or crash and burn based on my morning routine. If I am able to be up before the kids to spend time in silence and prayer, before anyone is crawling on my or needing me, and when I can give the day to God and remember its His work I am doing, then our days go so much better. If I sleep in and a crying child wakes me before I have been able to even brush my teeth and have a cup of coffee, I seem to feel I am running from behind all day, and I am crabby when I'm feeling behind.
Below is a basic schedule that we follow. Obviously a positive of homeschooling is that the day can be flexible to what is going on. Not that anyone has anywhere to go right now, but if you're working from home or the weather is just beautiful out and it's going to rain later, you can adjust accordingly to make the most of the day. I know some teachers, and our daughters PK is one, that are doing scheduled classes on Zoom. Those might be great for some kids, for our daughter who has down syndrome, she just wants to look at the screen and isn't getting much more than a social piece out of it, so we opted to only sign in for the first part and do our classwork separately. Talk to your teacher to find out what options you have if Zoom is not working for your family, I think everyone just wants the children to succeed right now and all of my children's teachers have been absolutely wonderful during this. Thank you God for them!!
5:00 am/5:30 am Mom prayer/shower/coffee/exercise (I don't want to leave the impression that I exercise everyday in the morning, I totally SHOULD, and in the warm months I do sometimes run or walk, but in the winter I am a complete bum and I'm totally ok with that as I decided I didn't have time for both and prayer won out. My poor Physical Therapist friend is dying inside a little right now - sorry! But if this is crucial for your physical and mental health, don't neglect it.)
6:30 am/7:00 am kids start waking up in my house. We wait until everyone is awake to do breakfast otherwise I can spend an hour dishing out and cleaning up breakfast. The bonus of not rushing out the door, there's actual time to do "good" breakfast like eggs/pancakes/etc that we would never attempt if needing to catch the bus, but we still opt often for the easy cereal choice.
8:00 am Kids get dressed/brush teeth/make beds/morning chores (feed dog/bring up laundry/empty dishwasher/etc) Mom cleans up from breakfast, starts laundry or other household chores, starts to get ready for school work and plays with little kids.
8:30 am/9:00 am Morning Prayer all together (I suggest morning offering and intentions for the day or morning prayer from liturgy of the hours for older kids.) Start schoolwork. Hopefully you have gotten a nice checklist from your child's teacher, if not, I would make one. Don't forget to add reading time and anything else you want them to do each day.
10:00 am Angelus Prayer/Snack/recess/play
10:30 am We do a Religion Lesson/Piano lesson/finish any other work at this time. If you don't have a religion textbook but think now is a great time to incorporate that into your child's day, ask your church to borrow something, I am encouraging my parents to do this at our church. But if you don't have anything, my kids love acting out the bible stories of the days lesson, so any childrens bible or bible story will work!
Noon Lunch (we keep lunch very simple. Sandwiches, mac and cheese, chicken strips, leftovers from supper, nothing that takes longer than 15 minutes to make, add fruits and veggies of course.)
12:30 pm Clean up lunch, play outside
1:00 pm Naps for younger children/Quiet time (reading or quiet play for older children), this is when I normally pray the rosary and do household chores and respond to messages, yard work outside, etc. Do what you have to to recharge. This is when my kids do their reading time for school or if they can't read yet but aren't napping they have to play with legos or puzzles or something like that quietly. Kids actually need this time as much as we do. To learn how to be still and not be entertained is also a valuable life skill to teach!
2:00 pm Technology time if earned (this is also when my kids do their Seesaw videos from their teacher).
3:00 pm Act of Contrition or Divine Mercy Prayer/Snack/Play outside - I try to play if I can. I have to make an effort not to just always be a "teacher" but spend time having fun with them. I also try to play with my older kids while the younger kids are napping because otherwise they rarely get that one on one time.
4:30 pm Start prepping supper, when it's rainy or cold we might do TV time here so I can get supper ready. We actually gave up TV for lent (I know, not the best year right?), but on a rough day I know my limits and I've allowed them to watch "Formed" which is great Catholic Programming that's being offered for free right now.
This is what works for us, we don't follow it strictly time-wise but its our general order of the day. You will find what works for you, but the key would be consistency. Even as adults, we are much happier/more at peace when we know exactly what to expect. As your kids come to know what they will be doing each day you will find they are much happier and less anxious and more willing to comply.
Most of all, I hope I can help you make it a little more manageable so you can find the beauty that is underneath all of the hard about this situation. Because no matter how much you struggle through this, there will be a moment when today your child knows something or can do something today that yesterday they could not do. And in that moment, you will get to experience the joy of watching them learn. The same way your heart overflowed when you watched them take their first step, when they said their first word. Now you get to be the one there for that moment, and its an incredible gift. And there are so many others. Like watching siblings play and find such joy with each other, watching them take care of each other, being there to play together.
I snapped this photo last week when Nathaniel spent 30 minutes reading books to his younger brothers snuggled in our bed. My heart couldn't contain it, and the moment wouldn't have happened if he was at school.
I'm not trying to paint an unrealistic picture that they will all get along and you'll magically be your favorite teacher, Mary Poppins and Martha Stewart all rolled together. Like I said, most days we will probably all feel like failures most of the time. My youngest threw a walkie-talkie at Sam's head just this morning. But I do know there is a lot of great beauty happening there in your home. There are plenty of teachers who can teach your child, but no one can love them the way you do. My youngest also walked over after his timeout and gave Sam the biggest hug which he smiled and returned and the two of them played outside together for the next hour like the best of friends. Where else besides our home can we really learn the meaning of unconditional love and forgiveness?
If you can get past the fact that this might be one of the hardest things you ever do, it might also be one of the best. How wonderful really, to get to be with the people who love you the most all day long. (You do love each other, sometimes you just have to remind yourselves.) And that's really the only thing you absolutely have to teach them in the next two months. Everything else is just a bonus.
You're doing great mom. Know of my prayers for you today!
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