There Is a Resurrection

Here is the truth that I know: there is a Resurrection. The truth is that from the complete darkness God created light. The truth is that on the darkest day of the world when we killed our own God and it appeared that evil had triumphed, our awesome Father created life from death. The truth that I know is that God doesn't want death or evil or hurt in our world. He never created us for any of it. But He uses it. When it happens, He uses it to for something incredible.  I have seen this played out in my life a hundred times. I have faced difficult, impossible hurts. I have watched him turn them into beauty in ways I could have never imagined. In the darkness of the hardest moments of our lives, it's so difficult to see what He is doing. That is where I am today. Today looks more like Good Friday than Easter. Today it feels like evil is winning and pain and sadness will reign. But there is a truth I will hold on to on days like today: there will be a resurrection. God will bring greatness from this too. He used the death of one man to make it so all men would never die. He spoke light into darkness in the beginning and He still does it every day. He will grow a huge tree from this tiny mustard seed. This is the truth I know because it's written on my heart and because I have lived it over and over again. It's ok that it doesn't feel like it today. I have cried too many tears today. I am watching-my-world-fall-apart sad today. But I'm writing this because I need the reminder, and I think we all do, that God still reigns. When the news is full of stories that rip at our hearts, when every time we turn around someone new has cancer, when kindness and honesty seem like they've become rare traits, we have to remember God still reigns and He is using it, we just can't see it yet. I will proclaim it daily. I will whisper it every hour or every minute on days like today. There Is A Resurrection.

Finding the Moments

I would have classified it as a "bad day". You know the kind... when the people around you are crabby, you are crabby and everything seems to go wrong? Those days I remember I would often tell my husband when he got home to see a completely exhausted shell of the woman he married trying against all odds to just make it through the next few hours until I could crash into bed that "it was just a bad day, tomorrow will be better." Until I started to realize, I seemed to have more bad days than good lately. And if I have more bad days than good am I doing something wrong?
Yes, I was missing it. The most important parts lost in the "bad days."  I want life to be so black and white. Easy to figure out and easy to control.  But what if God knows the real blessings live in the gray? That's when I started noticing MOMENTS. I started realizing that I couldn't classify my life in terms of good days and bad days, but instead in moments. Moments of beauty in the midst of complete chaos. Do a lot of days have more bad moments than good ones? Maybe. Are there some good moments that make up for a hundred bad ones? Yes.

Like when M was giving B kisses in church on Easter. Yes, the whole entire service was a disaster of kids crying and making noise and throwing things and pretty much ruining church for the entire area around us, BUT there was a moment when M so gently leaned across me to give her baby sister the sweetest of toddler kisses and both of their faces were almost touching mine and I just soaked it in. What a beautiful thing to be so close to this precious tiny love between sisters that is so pure. All the chaos was worth it for that moment.

Or last week when 6 inches of snow melted and then it rained for two days making our yard a muddy mess but the kids were desperate to go outside. It was a scramble of running around picking kids up out of the mud, trying to get boots back on in the middle of puddles and wiping off muddy toddler hands without dropping the baby. It was a complete disaster, and yet, at one point Nathaniel was helping Samuel and I asked him to hold his hand to help him walk. He does this so gently and lovingly like only my Nathaniel can. I was holding M's hand and the baby but I managed to get a picture to capture the special moment. This is one I don’t want to forget. Watching them walk hand in hand, Nathaniel helping Samuel along, it’s another moment in the chaos that makes it all worth while.

Later that day, after dragging screaming kids in the house, covered head to toe in mud and freezing but screaming because they still wanted to be outside, I found a bunch of other beautiful moments in the mess of cranky kids before supper. Samuel's proud smile as I cheered for him as he "raced" his brother through the house. Samuel and M's eyes lighting up at the sweet taste of their hot chocolate. M's pride at completing a puzzle. And in between those moments they were taking turns crying, clinging to my legs and fighting. I couldn't wait another minute for supper so we ate early so they would settle down. If this day had been a few weeks ago, when Dan got home I would have given him "the look" and he would have asked if everything was ok and I would have said "it was just a bad day" in my most defeated voice. Instead, I greeted him with a shrug and a laugh about what our life looks like right now, and he gave me a big squeeze and reminded me how much he loves me and just how lucky we are. Right on cue, M walked by proudly wearing her brothers coat backwards, smiling ever so proudly. "I love our family" Dan said, smiling just as proudly, soaking up the moment.

There are so many moments I know that I miss because I’m thinking of something else or I'm worried about something or I'm in a bad mood because something has gone wrong. But I’m reminded today that I can’t judge a day as bad or good, there is no day that’s bad or good, but days with moments that are bad and moments that are good. And it's most likely the contrast of the two that makes life so wonderful. And it's even more likely that the bad moments mixed with the good ones can make something even more beautiful than they can on their own. Like the way the sun and rain create a rainbow. The really magical stuff happens not in the black and white, but in the gray. In between the happiest days of our lives and the hardest is the real beauty. The days that are exactly the same as the one before. The days when the kids fight and the supper burns and the laundry pile is taller than our oldest child. These are the beautiful days when we stop to notice the moments. Like M saying "watch" and showing me how she can walk down the stairs by herself, beaming the whole way. Like B learning how to clap and then laughing so hard about it she almost tips over. The way Nathaniel lays his head on my shoulder when I carry him to bed in the middle of the night or watching Samuel drive his tractors on the window sill and hearing him making the engine noise with his lips for the first time.

It's a good thing we aren't in control. Because if we were, we'd schedule a full life of sunshine and "good days". And we'd never get to see a rainbow. There is beauty in the place that you are now, if only for a moment. Find the moments and you will find joy, not just for a moment but enough for a whole lifetime.

Todays Christian Message Brought to you by Taylor Swift and One Direction

I know what you're thinking...she needs to get out of the house more.... and you would be right. But, first let me explain why I even know who those people are to begin with...You see, every day at 4 pm my kids start melting down. I suppose it's a long day and they are ready for Dad to be home, ready to eat supper and mostly I think it's just become habit and we would hate to break routine. Anyway, at a crucial time when I also am ready for Dad to be home and trying to make supper, the dreaded 4 o'clock hour has been known to make or break my day. I have come up with a few remedies, one of which is to crank some music and have a dance party in the kitchen while I make supper. It's pretty awesome watching my littles attempt to dance by running in circles or bending down and shaking their butts. Plus as they laugh at my INCREDIBLE dance moves, I get an extra endorphin boost from doing physical exercise to get me through the rest of the hour. I found the Kidz Bop station on Pandora to be one of the best for these awesome 4 o'clock parties, and then often download a few of the kids' favorites so we don't have to rely on Pandora, which is why Taylor Swift and One Direction have made their way onto my playlists.

So now that my musical reputation is back in-line (or ruined forever...) we can get to the heart of this message. We had few laughs at the retreat I was recently on because right after the theme song for the retreat, being caught up in the prayer of the moment, I would forget to turn off the music and immediately after the theme song, on came the very upbeat "What Makes You Beautiful" by One Direction. Great for dancing in the kitchen, not so great in the chapel for prayer. Or so I thought. Except today, I let the song play since I was home with my kids and not in the chapel, and I actually listened to the words for the first time. I wished I had let it play through on the retreat.
If we listen to the lyrics as how our God feels about us, it's a great reminder: He's crazy about us!
How perfect for Lent when we focus so much on our sin and trying to make ourselves better, to hear Him tell us we are beautiful even though we can't see it. That we "light up His world like nobody else"
"If only you saw what I can see,
You'll understand why I want you so desperately,
Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe,
You don't know, oh oh,
You don't know you're beautiful"
We could all do better to see ourselves how He sees us, not as we do, not as the rest of the world does. Lenten sacrifices and taking a good look at ourselves to try to rid sin from our lives are great things, but we can't focus only on the bad. See the beauty of YOU that God created, of Jesus living in you, of one person that God wants so desperately. Don't believe me? Just look at the cross. He wants you that desperately that He got up there for you, because He sees your beauty even when you don't.




Ok, so if One Direction has something to share, we have to give Taylor Swift a chance, too... are you still with me? The second song in line on the playlist: Shake it Off. Again, great for dancing with toddlers...and to my surprise, great advice for our Christian journey.
"I stay up too late, got nothing in my brain
That's what people say, that's what people say
I go on too many dates, but I can't make 'em stay
At least that's what people say, that's what people say

But I keep cruising, can't stop, won't stop moving
It's like I got this music in my body and it's gonna be alright

'Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate
Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off
Heartbreakers gonna break, break, break, break, break
And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake
Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off"

Here's what happens: We come home from a retreat full of fire for Christ and wanting to put it into action. Or we slowly grow more and more in holiness with daily prayer and reflection. And then, something happens to completely deflate our sails. We encounter resistance when trying to work with people at our church. Our friends or family aren't at the same place and can't relate or support our newfound faith. Most often, new struggles pop up in our life as the devil's desperate attempts to keep us away from God. Maybe you're struggling with your Lenten sacrifices or a specific sin. Maybe you're discouraged by the people or events in your life right now. Good news: Taylor's got your back. She's so right. That stuff is all going to happen, we can't let it consume us or discourage us, we just have to keep going and "shake it off". You know the "music" you have with you all the time, the Holy Spirit, and it's reminding you "it's going to be alright." So just keep cruising.

I hope this was funny to those of you without toddlers, I sometimes think my sense of humor has changed considerably since I rarely talk to someone older than 5. ;)

Prayers for you all that you can see yourself today the way your Father sees you, and cruise past the devils attempts to separate you from that incredible love!

When Winter Gets Long

I just spent 4 days working on a retreat in the middle of the state. I didn't realize until I started driving that it seems our small little corner of the state has a LOT more snow than everywhere else. The further I drove the more it looked like spring. While I was there, I quickly forgot about the snow at home. The retreat itself was a wonderful spiritual refresher, but like any other great event, it had to come to an end (and it was good it did because I was really missing the 5 people I share a house with!!). The closer and closer I got to home the more and more the snow was piled up and I felt like I was driving from spring back into winter. For those on the retreat, myself included, it probably feels like that with their spiritual lives as well. We get an opportunity to shut out the rest of the world and focus only on Jesus. To be surrounded by other people who love Him too and therefore love us. We let Him break through the cold in our hearts with the warmth of His grace. And we promise ourselves we won't let the cold back in.
But then, we have to go back to winter. We have to go home. Back to the same struggles, temptations and heartbreaks. We have changed, but our world has not. And even more difficult, we are asked not just to survive the cold but bring warmth to others.
Yesterday, I got outside with three of my four tiny humans, and my four year old just had to get to the top of this "mountain". My 1 1/2 year old thought it was also a good idea. Off they went, and as I watched them going, I couldn't help but stop to take in the beauty of it all. There was nothing but pure white snow in every direction. They looked so alone and tiny out there, but neither one seemed to notice as they trudged on, determined to get to the top.
We could all take a lesson from them, I decided. They don't see how small they are or how big the snow is. They see where they want to go and they know the only way to get there is to take steps in that direction.
I came home from the retreat with the goal of being a more patient, sacrificial mom, making more time to pray and determined to find more joy in my sacrifice. I succeeded at this in the morning....for four hours. And then I was right back to my old self. Watching my boys reminded me that the change from winter to spring is a slow process, that lasting change takes time. I can't get discouraged when I don't instantly change, just like they can't quit because their first steps don't get them to the top. I just have to keep moving in the right direction, and eventually I'll be able to look back and see all the progress I have made, even if I am still surrounded by snow.
In addition to taking steps in the right direction, the other key element to the boys confidence and success was that they were not alone. Having each other on the journey helps them feel safe and gives them encouragement. And they knew I was right there watching when Nathaniel would turn around to say "look at me mom!" or Samuel would cry because he had fallen down and it's just so hard to get back up when your layers of clothing are almost as wide as you are tall.
We need to encourage each other and pray for each other on this journey, especially when we're walking through the difficult times, or just the mundane times. And we need to remember that God is  right there to pick us up when we fall or point us in the right direction if we lose our way.
Winter really is almost over here in Minnesota even if it doesn't look like it. Jesus speaks the same truth in our hearts today, that the difficult things we face won't last forever. Just keep going in the right direction, encouraging each other, and know that He is there. You'll make it through your winter, and you might even enjoy the journey.

The Only New Year's Resolution You Need to Make

It was just after breakfast on a cold day and my four year old was bartering for time on our iPad. "Please can I play the iPad?"
"Not right now, maybe later if you can be a good listener." I replied
"OK, in five minutes?"
"No," I laughed, "you have to show me you can be good ALL day and then you can play it tonight."
The moment I finished the sentence I was met with a very whiny "no-ooo not ALL day!" followed but a very distraught four year old temper tantrum. I could see on his face and hear in his voice that he didn't believe for a second he could be good ALL day. It was too large of a task, too much to give up. Five minutes he could do. Maybe even until lunch time he would attempt. But ALL day seemed impossible. I stood there watching him melt down thinking just how silly he was. He wanted to play the iPad, I told him exactly what he needed to do to get what he wanted, and yet because he thinks it's too hard, he's not going to get to play at all, he's not even going to try because he thinks it's too hard.

It really wouldn't be that much of a sacrifice to be "good" all day. He could still have a lot of fun playing, he might even discover that it's more fun to play nicely instead of fighting with his siblings and ending up in time out or getting toys taken away. But because all he can see is the sacrifice, he's missing the prize.


So why is it that I can see this so clearly when I watch my four year old, but throw my own tantrums all the time when God asks difficult things of me?


"Now someone approached him and said, “Teacher, what good must I do to gain eternal life?”He answered him, “Why do you ask me about the good? There is only One who is good. If you wish to enter into life, keep the commandments.” He asked him, “Which ones?” And Jesus replied, “ ‘You shall not kill; you shall not commit adultery; you shall not steal; you shall not bear false witness; 19honor your father and your mother’; and ‘you shall love your neighbor as yourself.’”The young man said to him, “All of these I have observed. What do I still lack?” Jesus said to him, “If you wish to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to [the] poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” When the young man heard this statement, he went away sad, for he had many possessions. " Matthew 16-22


As I watched my son whine I thought about the young man who went away sad.
Did he ever even try? Did he just say "it's too hard, the sacrifice is too much?"
How often do I think that what's being asked is too hard?
How often do I acknowledge to myself that I know what's being asked but it's too scary?
How many times have I walked away sad because I didn't believe I was capable of the task?


Jesus' disciples ask the question of our hearts:


Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Amen, I say to you, it will be hard for one who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I say to you, it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for one who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.” When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and said, “Who then can be saved?” Jesus looked at them and said, “For human beings this is impossible, but for God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:23-26


This is why we see this verse posted everywhere, because we need a constant reminder that He is with us and that even the most difficult things are possible because He is helping us.


Today is the first day of 2016. All over the world people are making lists of things they'd like to change about their lives. Habits to break, habits to start, goals to achieve. We are all under some kind of assumption that doing these things that we have deemed important will help us to be happier, better people. I do it too. I make New Years Resolutions every year, put them on my fridge as a daily reminder, and in October or November I find them hiding under a coloring page and realize I haven't thought of one of them since January.

I'm sure most or all of the things we all put on those lists are good for us and do make us better people. But I'm proposing a different strategy for 2016. How about instead of trying a whole bunch of our own ideas of things that will make us happier, better people, we take Jesus' advice instead?


What if the only thing we have to do is follow Him? Even if it's scary, even if it's hard, even if we have to give up A LOT. Because the sacrifice is small compared to the prize.


Then Peter said to him in reply, “We have given up everything and followed you. What will there be for us?” Jesus said to them, “Amen, I say to you that you who have followed me, in the new age, when the Son of Man is seated on his throne of glory, will yourselves sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands for the sake of my name will receive a hundred times more, and will inherit eternal life.  But many who are first will be last, and the last will be first." Matthew 19: 27-30


And we might just find we have more fun in the sacrifice anyway. (Ask any Mom you know if you need proof!)


So, let's make it public...


Ann's New Year's Resolutions for 2016:
1. Follow Jesus. No matter where He leads, no matter what He asks me to leave behind.


Man, that is seriously so hard to write. I kind of feel like saying a nice whiny "no-ooo" when I think of any of the things He might ask me to give up. But He's never let me down, and I know He won't this time either. "for God all things are possible." This is going to be fun, as long as I don't throw a tantrum - pray for me!

Prayers for you on your journey in 2016!

You Can't Steal Jesus

Recently some friends of ours told us of their frustration and sadness of the theft of the baby Jesus figurine from the nativity set they had displayed in their front yard. It’s pretty disheartening that someone would steal from your front yard in a small town, but even more so that they would steal Jesus! I remember my dear friend telling me about it and the loss of faith in mankind that it gave me just to hear the story, I can’t imagine how discouraged I would have felt if it had happened to me. “I just need to wrap some presents” she said, “to get me back into the Christmas spirit.”

And she was right. Because the joy of Christmas is found in the Holy Spirit at work in the world, loving like Jesus. We can easily get discouraged when we see people allowing evil to work instead of the Spirit, but her reaction is an inspiration to us all. When people or situations disappoint us, instead of getting discouraged, we need to work even more to spread love.

That same family knocked on our door yesterday morning with donuts and arms full of gifts for our family, something they do each year to shower another family with love. It’s a humbling thing to be on the receiving end of such an incredible act of generosity. As we sat and shared a cup of coffee I silently thanked God for the incredible gift of their friendship and for the wonderful reminder that you can’t steal Jesus.

The devil is working so very hard to make us forget the story of the birth of Jesus. The story of the God who loved his people so much He gave His son in exchange for them. The story that reminds us that after He came He never left and He’s there to meet us in every joy and sorrow and in-between. The story that this is not the end, but only a glimpse of the incredible beauty that awaits us.

Moments like yesterday when I get to share conversation with great friends, or when I walk into the room and my 4 year old is laying on the floor holding his baby sisters hand, or the loving looks and helpful hands that offer assistance when I’m out in public with all the kids, and my husbands constant and completely unconditional love are all pointing me to heaven. “This is just a piece of the joy that’s waiting for you,” God whispers in those moments.

Christmas is almost here and I’m sure you’ve seen plenty of things that don’t appropriately reflect the season of pointing us to the joy of heaven. But let’s all take a lesson from my friends and let our response to those things be to let the spirit work through us to spread love, to give people glimpses of Jesus and the joy that knowing Him brings. Because no matter what anyone does, they can never steal Jesus from our hearts.

So here’s to wishing not that you have the most perfect or merriest of Christmases, but that you get the opportunity to love others this Christmas. Share the story; it's most beautiful when told without any words.

It's ThanksGIVING...not ThanksGETTING

I'm not very present on social media anymore so I apologize if this post is just one more to flood your news feeds with rant over our materialistic obsessed culture and the loss of a sense of gratitude for what we do have in the wake of being surrounded by media pressure to have more.

Overall, it's an unfair generalization of our culture and I think most of us can say that the majority of our family and friends and the general people we know are very grateful and remember what's important in life. Media would like us to believe differently. I could hardly believe my ears when I heard Verizon's advertisements calling the day "Thanksgetting" because of the deals they are offering. Black Friday has now started on Thanksgiving day instead of at midnight. The holiday itself is easily lost amid the rush to get to Christmas.

Despite this, I believe that overall we are still a grateful people. I believe that most of us still know that while Thanksgiving is about being thankful for the ways that God has blessed us with freedom, friendships, family and food for our table, Christmas is about being thankful that God gave us freedom over death and sin. I am so thankful for the things here on Earth I have been given, but so much more incredibly thankful for the gift that this isn't the end, for the gift that even the greatest things or joy I experience here are nothing compared to what I will experience in heaven someday.

The "Thanksgetting" ads were just what I needed to push me over the edge of committing to making sure the way I celebrate Thanksgiving, Advent and Christmas are reflective of what I believe. It's so easy to get pulled into the way the stores would like us to celebrate the holiday: spending so much money and time on "stuff". I prefer to find the beauty of the season in growing closer to Christ by drawing nearer to Him in prayer and in relationships with others.

That's why I'll be celebrating ThanksGIVING by giving thanks to God for my blessings and spending time loving my family, NOT shopping. I'll be spending the advent season making lists of the ways I can help and love others, not making shopping lists. I'll be spending the Christmas season doing the things on those lists and more. I will be a part of the movement to prove that our world has not all been lost in a sea of wanting and greed. I will GIVE, and not GET. Give the only true gift anyone can give, the gift of themselves.

Happy ThanksGIVING! Happy Giving!