The Only New Year's Resolution You Need to Make

It was just after breakfast on a cold day and my four year old was bartering for time on our iPad. "Please can I play the iPad?"
"Not right now, maybe later if you can be a good listener." I replied
"OK, in five minutes?"
"No," I laughed, "you have to show me you can be good ALL day and then you can play it tonight."
The moment I finished the sentence I was met with a very whiny "no-ooo not ALL day!" followed but a very distraught four year old temper tantrum. I could see on his face and hear in his voice that he didn't believe for a second he could be good ALL day. It was too large of a task, too much to give up. Five minutes he could do. Maybe even until lunch time he would attempt. But ALL day seemed impossible. I stood there watching him melt down thinking just how silly he was. He wanted to play the iPad, I told him exactly what he needed to do to get what he wanted, and yet because he thinks it's too hard, he's not going to get to play at all, he's not even going to try because he thinks it's too hard.

It really wouldn't be that much of a sacrifice to be "good" all day. He could still have a lot of fun playing, he might even discover that it's more fun to play nicely instead of fighting with his siblings and ending up in time out or getting toys taken away. But because all he can see is the sacrifice, he's missing the prize.


So why is it that I can see this so clearly when I watch my four year old, but throw my own tantrums all the time when God asks difficult things of me?


"Now someone approached him and said, “Teacher, what good must I do to gain eternal life?”He answered him, “Why do you ask me about the good? There is only One who is good. If you wish to enter into life, keep the commandments.” He asked him, “Which ones?” And Jesus replied, “ ‘You shall not kill; you shall not commit adultery; you shall not steal; you shall not bear false witness; 19honor your father and your mother’; and ‘you shall love your neighbor as yourself.’”The young man said to him, “All of these I have observed. What do I still lack?” Jesus said to him, “If you wish to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to [the] poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” When the young man heard this statement, he went away sad, for he had many possessions. " Matthew 16-22


As I watched my son whine I thought about the young man who went away sad.
Did he ever even try? Did he just say "it's too hard, the sacrifice is too much?"
How often do I think that what's being asked is too hard?
How often do I acknowledge to myself that I know what's being asked but it's too scary?
How many times have I walked away sad because I didn't believe I was capable of the task?


Jesus' disciples ask the question of our hearts:


Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Amen, I say to you, it will be hard for one who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I say to you, it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for one who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.” When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and said, “Who then can be saved?” Jesus looked at them and said, “For human beings this is impossible, but for God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:23-26


This is why we see this verse posted everywhere, because we need a constant reminder that He is with us and that even the most difficult things are possible because He is helping us.


Today is the first day of 2016. All over the world people are making lists of things they'd like to change about their lives. Habits to break, habits to start, goals to achieve. We are all under some kind of assumption that doing these things that we have deemed important will help us to be happier, better people. I do it too. I make New Years Resolutions every year, put them on my fridge as a daily reminder, and in October or November I find them hiding under a coloring page and realize I haven't thought of one of them since January.

I'm sure most or all of the things we all put on those lists are good for us and do make us better people. But I'm proposing a different strategy for 2016. How about instead of trying a whole bunch of our own ideas of things that will make us happier, better people, we take Jesus' advice instead?


What if the only thing we have to do is follow Him? Even if it's scary, even if it's hard, even if we have to give up A LOT. Because the sacrifice is small compared to the prize.


Then Peter said to him in reply, “We have given up everything and followed you. What will there be for us?” Jesus said to them, “Amen, I say to you that you who have followed me, in the new age, when the Son of Man is seated on his throne of glory, will yourselves sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands for the sake of my name will receive a hundred times more, and will inherit eternal life.  But many who are first will be last, and the last will be first." Matthew 19: 27-30


And we might just find we have more fun in the sacrifice anyway. (Ask any Mom you know if you need proof!)


So, let's make it public...


Ann's New Year's Resolutions for 2016:
1. Follow Jesus. No matter where He leads, no matter what He asks me to leave behind.


Man, that is seriously so hard to write. I kind of feel like saying a nice whiny "no-ooo" when I think of any of the things He might ask me to give up. But He's never let me down, and I know He won't this time either. "for God all things are possible." This is going to be fun, as long as I don't throw a tantrum - pray for me!

Prayers for you on your journey in 2016!

You Can't Steal Jesus

Recently some friends of ours told us of their frustration and sadness of the theft of the baby Jesus figurine from the nativity set they had displayed in their front yard. It’s pretty disheartening that someone would steal from your front yard in a small town, but even more so that they would steal Jesus! I remember my dear friend telling me about it and the loss of faith in mankind that it gave me just to hear the story, I can’t imagine how discouraged I would have felt if it had happened to me. “I just need to wrap some presents” she said, “to get me back into the Christmas spirit.”

And she was right. Because the joy of Christmas is found in the Holy Spirit at work in the world, loving like Jesus. We can easily get discouraged when we see people allowing evil to work instead of the Spirit, but her reaction is an inspiration to us all. When people or situations disappoint us, instead of getting discouraged, we need to work even more to spread love.

That same family knocked on our door yesterday morning with donuts and arms full of gifts for our family, something they do each year to shower another family with love. It’s a humbling thing to be on the receiving end of such an incredible act of generosity. As we sat and shared a cup of coffee I silently thanked God for the incredible gift of their friendship and for the wonderful reminder that you can’t steal Jesus.

The devil is working so very hard to make us forget the story of the birth of Jesus. The story of the God who loved his people so much He gave His son in exchange for them. The story that reminds us that after He came He never left and He’s there to meet us in every joy and sorrow and in-between. The story that this is not the end, but only a glimpse of the incredible beauty that awaits us.

Moments like yesterday when I get to share conversation with great friends, or when I walk into the room and my 4 year old is laying on the floor holding his baby sisters hand, or the loving looks and helpful hands that offer assistance when I’m out in public with all the kids, and my husbands constant and completely unconditional love are all pointing me to heaven. “This is just a piece of the joy that’s waiting for you,” God whispers in those moments.

Christmas is almost here and I’m sure you’ve seen plenty of things that don’t appropriately reflect the season of pointing us to the joy of heaven. But let’s all take a lesson from my friends and let our response to those things be to let the spirit work through us to spread love, to give people glimpses of Jesus and the joy that knowing Him brings. Because no matter what anyone does, they can never steal Jesus from our hearts.

So here’s to wishing not that you have the most perfect or merriest of Christmases, but that you get the opportunity to love others this Christmas. Share the story; it's most beautiful when told without any words.

It's ThanksGIVING...not ThanksGETTING

I'm not very present on social media anymore so I apologize if this post is just one more to flood your news feeds with rant over our materialistic obsessed culture and the loss of a sense of gratitude for what we do have in the wake of being surrounded by media pressure to have more.

Overall, it's an unfair generalization of our culture and I think most of us can say that the majority of our family and friends and the general people we know are very grateful and remember what's important in life. Media would like us to believe differently. I could hardly believe my ears when I heard Verizon's advertisements calling the day "Thanksgetting" because of the deals they are offering. Black Friday has now started on Thanksgiving day instead of at midnight. The holiday itself is easily lost amid the rush to get to Christmas.

Despite this, I believe that overall we are still a grateful people. I believe that most of us still know that while Thanksgiving is about being thankful for the ways that God has blessed us with freedom, friendships, family and food for our table, Christmas is about being thankful that God gave us freedom over death and sin. I am so thankful for the things here on Earth I have been given, but so much more incredibly thankful for the gift that this isn't the end, for the gift that even the greatest things or joy I experience here are nothing compared to what I will experience in heaven someday.

The "Thanksgetting" ads were just what I needed to push me over the edge of committing to making sure the way I celebrate Thanksgiving, Advent and Christmas are reflective of what I believe. It's so easy to get pulled into the way the stores would like us to celebrate the holiday: spending so much money and time on "stuff". I prefer to find the beauty of the season in growing closer to Christ by drawing nearer to Him in prayer and in relationships with others.

That's why I'll be celebrating ThanksGIVING by giving thanks to God for my blessings and spending time loving my family, NOT shopping. I'll be spending the advent season making lists of the ways I can help and love others, not making shopping lists. I'll be spending the Christmas season doing the things on those lists and more. I will be a part of the movement to prove that our world has not all been lost in a sea of wanting and greed. I will GIVE, and not GET. Give the only true gift anyone can give, the gift of themselves.

Happy ThanksGIVING! Happy Giving!

Do Not Worry, You Have Boots

Worry. It's just what moms do. It comes so naturally. If we can possibly imagine the worst that can happen, we'll worry that it will. If we get any kind of indication there's a greater chance something might happen we'll worry even more. Give us a situation that is easy to worry about and it might consume us.
Recently, a friend sent me a text message about Matthew 6:25-34. Here are the first few verses: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat [or drink], or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they? Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span?"

There are a lot of times in my life when a verse has been presented at exactly the right time and was an answer to a prayer or I just knew that God was reminding me of something. But when I got this verse I was puzzled, because I had just read the exact verse the night before in the book "My Sisters the Saints" (another great one). The verse hadn't stuck out to me at all when I read it the night before, and I really didn't understand the significance of it in the text message either. But in my experience, it's usually not a coincidence to be presented with the same verse in a span of less than 12 hours. I decided to "ponder" the verse that day as there must be something God is trying to tell me.

It didn't hit me until later that morning after reading an email from a social worker concerning our foster girls. I've always thought about this verse in terms of money which is why it wasn't registering with me as relevant. But I realized it wasn't about money at all but that I can get consumed with worry over our foster children and what might happen to them. As a parent we worry about our kids but feel to some extent like we have some level of control over their future. It may be unrealistic the level of control we feel we have, but it's there to some degree. There is no illusion as foster parents though, we know and have to deal with the fact that we have no control. We love kids as our own while other people make decisions about their well-being and future. We get taken on a roller coaster ride of up and down emotions as plans change. And since we can't control it, we worry about it. We worry about where they might end up and if they'll be safe and loved. We worry about the affect it will have on them if they don't return home. We worry about every possible scenario as their future is so unknown. I worry about the affect the change of them being here and the change if they were to leave would have on my children. I worry about a million other scenarios.
And then Jesus says "Do not worry about your life..." The words peacefully drifted through my mind as I finished reading the email and I knew it was all going to be ok. Not that this situation might go the way I want it to, but that no matter what, it will be ok. "Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life span?" Not one moment of worry will make these kids stay safe longer. But the worry does rob me from time with them. It steals my joy. It makes me more distant because I'm playing out a thousand different scenarios in my mind. It makes me tense and not the carefree, fun mom I desire to be. Most of all, it makes it really hard to see the hope of Christ in me. Because worry is the opposite of hope. And worry can easily turn into fear, and it gets really hard to love with fear in our hearts.
So how do I stop worrying when precious lives hang in the balance? Jesus goes on to say:
"Why are you anxious about clothes? Learn from the way the wild flowers grow. They do not work or spin. But I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was clothed like one of them. If God so clothes the grass of the field, which grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow, will he not much more provide for you, O you of little faith? So do not worry and say, ‘What are we to eat?’ or ‘What are we to drink?’ or ‘What are we to wear?’All these things the pagans seek. Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.But seek first the kingdom [of God] and his righteousness,^* and all these things will be given you besides. Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil."
I came up with three steps to help me try to worry less:

1. One day at a time. Be a good mom today, in this moment. Stop letting worrying about who will love them later get in the way of loving them now.

2. "Seek first the kingdom of God." Keep my eyes on heaven, remember that all of this will pass away, and God has all of us in His hands, so no matter what happens, we have hope.

3. Remember that I have boots. Today was our first snow of the season and we watched from the window as it started to fall and continued to fall through the afternoon. It didn't seem to let up for hours, and began to start accumulating. I was reminded how often in life it feels like a storm comes and just won't let up. It seems like bad piles on top of bad and the depth of it seems to be too much for a person to handle. And we can spend the afternoon and our lifetimes looking out the window in despair as we watch it pile up, or we can do what my kids did: remember we have boots, coats, hats and gloves, and go make the most of it. "will he not much more provide for you". He gives us what we need for the weather we are given. If I'm facing something difficult, then He will give me courage and strength. If I'm facing a situation to worry, then He will give me peace. He is always there for us to put on to protect us from the storm. I just have to put on my boots and get out there. The fun is waiting and I'll never find it worrying and watching from the window.

How My Christian Family is Celebrating Halloween

I love Autumn. I love the crunch of the leaves when I walk, the coziness of warm sweaters and boots, my hand wrapped around a coffee sweetened with some sort of pumpkin flavoring, and the joy of harvest as the farmers experience the relief and satisfaction of bringing in the fruit of their labor.
That being said, I also cringe a lot this time of year. It's also the time we celebrate Halloween and it's a holiday I'm just not sure what to do about. Maybe you're with me. You get uncomfortable with the witches and ghosts and scary movies and zombie decorations on your neighbors lawn. You aren't a fan of your children demanding candy in return for an agreement to not vandalize the neighborhood. Maybe you think a holiday shouldn't be an excuse to dress in incredibly revealing or inappropriate clothing. Or most of all, as a Christian, the holiday of Halloween seems to be more against your beliefs than aligned with them.
The problem is, it's not the holiday that's the problem, it's the way we celebrate it. I had the initial reaction many years ago to just avoid the holiday all together and not celebrate it, writing it off as an unimportant holiday about candy and one more excuse for a party. But I quickly found out I was wrong (first time ever, ha!).
Halloween is a Catholic holiday, a celebration of All Saints Day, a day that has become quite lost in the commercialized celebration of Halloween.  On All Saints Day (Nov 1) we remember and celebrate all the Holy men and women in heaven. There are a bunch of great reasons that this is important, but the one on my heart today is the power and importance of knowing someone else has been there too. In my current jump into parenting 4 young children, I have found myself drawn to and reaching out to anyone else who has parented twins or multiple young children, or children with disabilities. Asking questions about how they did things (aka survived) and getting advice (they give more practical tips than just "start closet drinking" that people with only two kids give). But most importantly, it brings me so much encouragement just to know someone else has done this before.
It can be done.
It can be done well.
It can even be done gracefully.
When I see these families, then I know that I can do it to. I can learn from them, but most of all,
I am inspired by them.
The Saints do exactly that for us. They have been in our shoes, ordinary people facing difficult situations, and their beautiful witness of the way they followed Christ serves as a lesson and source of inspiration for us.
Their stories tell us following Christ can be done.
It can even be done gracefully.

So, what do we do about Halloween then with it's devil costumes, and bloody murder victims on the kids walk to school? Well after a lot of thought, here's how my Christian family is celebrating Halloween:

Attending Mass for All Saints Day.
Because going trick or treating and not going to Mass is like opening presents but not going to Christmas Mass. Pray for, honor and celebrate all our loved ones at this Mass! This is what Halloween is all about. Just like with all the holidays (Christmas, Easter, etc) make sure all the activities point to Mass and that it's the main event, not just "fit it" around the other stuff.

Carving pumpkins.
There are a lot of stories about the origins of this tradition, I'll let you google for yourselves. It can be a fun one if done right. Some talk about God scooping out the bad and putting his light inside of us while carving. Others carve Christian images like crosses. We are going to start our own tradition and use the opportunity to honor our family who have passed away by carving their initials, names, or something that reminds us of them, and say a prayer for them when we light the candle.

Costumes.
Dressing up is so fun for kids and adults. The important thing for me is to keep costumes on the fun side and not scary. It's supposed to be a celebration of life, not death! Some people chose to dress up like a saint and learn about them in the process - awesome if you are an organized mom! (Maybe when my kids get older we will do this, this year they are getting tossed into whatever cow/puppy/superhero costume has been handed down from their cousins.) I think no matter what you dress up as it's a good opportunity to talk about how there are no limitations with God and what He might ask us to do or be!

Host a Party/Visit the Elderly
There are a few great options for what do do once you're all dressed up. We chose not to let our kids go door-to-door for quite a few reasons, this is a personal choice and doesn't mean it can't be a fun way to celebrate by bringing joy to friends and family. We either invite friends to our house for a Halloween party where we can control the atmosphere and decorations and the kids still get tons of candy, or visit our local Nursing Home where the residents hand out candy and enjoy seeing the kids in costume. Consider going on a different day and handing out candy TO the residents and staff instead. Teaching kids the joy of giving just like the saints! I've also seen kids go door to door asking for donations for the food shelf instead of candy.

Candy.
Ok, any excuse to eat candy is a good one, but this especially is an opportunity to celebrate Heaven. It's a joy to be a Christian remember?! Because the end of our story is happy!! If you hand out candy to trick-or-treaters, being joyful Christians is a witness in itself! But if you want to go further, consider taping a bible verse or prayer to the candy.


I think the important thing to remember is to continue reminding our kids (and ourselves) through the ways that we celebrate just WHY we celebrate. Halloween has gotten to where it is today because the message got lost. Unfortunately I can't control that someone on a street I drive by has hanging corpses in a tree and I have to try to avert my 4-year-old's eyes or spend the rest of the drive answering his questions about it and the rest of the night soothing him after night mares from scary commercials he saw on TV. What I can do is "be the change I wish to see" (Gandhi). My family can celebrate the Eve of All Saints Day in a fun way as we keep the night holy. Happy Celebrating!!

Let Me Clean Your Bathroom

It’s been a weird combination of events that at the same time we ended up adding not one but two new babies to our family, quite a few of my closest friends were going through some big life changes as well, including two families who moved into new houses.
At our age and with multiple kids in tow already, moving is difficult and I wanted to offer a helping hand. The problem is, having four kids of my own, three of them still babies, I don’t exactly have a lot of free hands available. Actually, I’m in the market for an extra one if anyone knows how I can do that.
But even though I had “my hands full” as people like to say, I couldn’t let these big moments of their lives where they needed their friend’s help pass by without helping. So, when it came time for moving, I packed up my crew and came to help, even though I was afraid I might be just adding to the chaos instead of helping. And when I got there, that’s exactly what I felt. I spent most of the time chasing my kids, feeding my kids, and trying to keep my kids from making an even bigger mess. My friends both reassured me they were just happy I was there to offer moral support, but I really wanted to contribute, and at both houses after asking what I could do for about the fifth time, I was asked:
 “Well... you could clean my bathroom...”

They were both reluctant to ask, but I was happy to have a way to help where I could still keep an eye on my kids. It didn’t strike me until I was scrubbing the tub in my second friends bathroom in just a couple weeks, how honored I felt to be asked to do such a task.
I know... you are thinking I need better friends. But think about it: we don’t let anybody else clean our bathrooms but us, do we? Because it’s the most intimate room of our house, and it’s gross. It’s dirty and we’d prefer no one else have to deal with our mess. There are just a few select people usually in our lives that we will let into our house on it’s worst day, and there are maybe only one or two in the world that we’d let clean our bathroom.
I have never felt so privileged as I slowly scrubbed away layers of dirt and grime on my hands and knees. And I realized how often I hide my mess from others. My sin, my worst moments, the things I try and fail and try and fail at. I don’t want to others to see it, much less have to clean it up! I realized as I was scrubbing that I have to stop that. I have to start inviting people in to my mess. Because it’s an honor to be invited into that space, and because frankly, without them it might never get clean.
I've been holding on to this post for a while now, and this week it made sense why it was waiting until now. This week was a tough one, for no particular reason.  I just started to feel "not good enough" for this calling. Comparing myself to other moms and not measuring up. Listening to all the wrong voices pointing out my flaws and telling me I can't do this. My house was a disaster, the bills were overdue, and the kids were crying more than usual (it's a lot of crying with three babies in the house even if they are happy, you can imagine when one has an ear infection and another has a cold and the third is jealous and knows crying gets you picked up.) It was one of those weeks when I was tempted to put on a front, close the bathroom door and hide my mess. Instead, I opened the door. I let my friends see my messy house and less-than-par parenting skills. I cried about feeling inadequate and overwhelmed. And a really beautiful thing happened: Grace.
My dear friend spoke words of encouragement that healed my soul. My neighbor sent a huge pot of the most delicious Beef Stew I've ever eaten home with my husband so I didn't have to fix a few meals. My friends came and canned applesauce that I would have never gotten done on my own. And my incredible four year old put on a song at exactly the right time that I absolutely needed to hear:

When it's coming apart, you had it all.
It wasn't enough. No, it's not enough.
They tell you it's not worth the price, so just let it go.
But you know you can't. You know you won't.

It's not easy, no.
Finding the words to say.
When you're feeling lost, you'll find your way.

The world is so broken and sometimes it leaves you cold.
And at times you can't feel the fire to guide you home.
The demons will haunt you and try to steal what you know.
But the angels, they brought you, and they're gonna hold you up.
They're gonna hold you up.

Hold You Up - Shane Harper
I'm so blessed my angels come in the form of some very good friends and the cutest 4 year old I know.  Thanks for helping clean up my mess! Let me return the favor and clean your bathroom sometime ok?

It's Good to be Last

I’ve finally figured it out. The kids have installed a secret alarm on my body that can sense when I wake up in the morning and alarms so they can wake up as well. At first I thought it was just an alarm on my bed, that it seemed the second my feet hit the ground they would cry for me to come rescue them from their cribs, but then, one morning I decided in an effort to trick the alarm, that I would say my morning prayers while laying still in my bed.  I don’t think I got past two “Hail Mary’s” before the first cry sounded. “How are they doing this?!” I thought. It doesn’t matter if I wake up at 4 am, 5:30 or 7. They wake up when I wake up. Ok, I don’t get to 7 ever, but it’s a nice thought. And I know it’s not possible for babies to have the technology to carry out this theory even though all the signs point that direction.

The point is, this morning, like every other morning, I woke up early hoping desperately to have some alone time with God. I was reminded this week after a really tough day and then a rosary and a really awesome day just how important and powerful prayer is in my life and especially in my job as a mom and wife. So, determined to outsmart the kids and make sure I get my prayer time, I tiptoed as quietly as ever to the bathroom, but when I opened the door to the bedroom again I saw my husband gone from the bed and heard the cries coming from upstairs. I waited, sometimes Samuel will go back to sleep before 6 am. Dan came back down thinking Samuel was going back to sleep, but sure enough the domino effect couldn’t be undone and one by one each one was awake and even though they all needed another hour of sleep there was no way any of them were going to try that. I sat there on the couch holding a sleepy, crabby baby who wouldn’t let me put him down because he was too tired while baby number two cried at me from dad’s arms because in her sleepy state she just wanted me too. It’s always a frustrating feeling when you have a plan for the day or even the next half hour and it’s completely unraveled. But as I sat there snuggling I was gently reminded of the conversation we had in church this past Sunday.

“If anyone wishes to be first, he shall be the last of all and the servant of all.” Mk 9:36

Exactly the reminder I need as a mom. It’s easy for moms to put ourselves last, to be the servant. It’s natural, it’s pretty much expected by our kids. It’s really not something we have to work at. What I need work on is not being bitter about it. I need to work on EMBRACING it. It probably doesn’t mean a lot if I’m last of all or servant of all by default. It should be my choice, and HAPPILY my choice. I should consciously try each day to be their servant. Wouldn’t that be so much more joyful than feeling stuck as their servant? Because didn’t we choose that to begin with? Didn’t we stand up on the altar and promise each other we’d lay down our lives for the other? Didn’t I give my whole self for this man and for the family that God would create with that gift?

If you have ever met anyone who is overall a very selfless person, you know the joy that radiates from that CHOICE to serve others. You also know if you’ve ever met anyone who serves unwillingly the bitterness that consumes them.  Yes, I chose joy, I choose to serve.

The best part, is that I’m pretty sure Jesus said these words two thousand years ago just for us Mom’s, because the very next verse says “Taking a child, he placed it in their midst, and putting his arms around it, he said to them, ‘Whoever receives one child such as this in my name, receives me; and whoever receives me, receives not me but the One who sent me.’” Mk 9:37

This Sunday at church I found myself yearning for the spiritual experience that Mass used to be for me. Lately, trying to keep our 4 children from crying, falling, or running up on to the alter (we’ve had some close calls) it’s a good day if I just am able to catch a few verses of scripture or sing a line I know from a song (because there are no extra hands to hold a book and if I did I’m positive a toddler would end up throwing it at the head of someone in front of us).  But as I sat there after communion and offered up a quick apology to God for my distracted heart and saddened by the distance I felt, He quickly reminded me that He was sitting right there in my lap. “Whoever received one child such as this in my name receives me.”

So, this morning because I have a short memory I sat there on my couch sad about missing my morning conversation with God when He gently reminded me again that He was sitting right in my lap with me.

Being last is hard sometimes, it means we forget what it's like to have adult conversations, we run on less sleep and rarely drink a warm cup of coffee. We give up the things we like to do to the point that we hardly recognize ourselves anymore. Ask a mom what her favorite food is and see how long it takes her to answer. Chances are, like my mother whose birthday is coming up, it will take her 10 minutes to think about it and figure it out because she's so used to making food everyone else likes. We don't get showers on days when we REALLY need showers and we must choose between a very limited social life, a hobby or a clean house, it's only possible to have one if you have time for any. But as I sat there snuggling my "mini-Jesus" this morning who after all that crankiness peaked up and gave me the sweetest smile, my heart just loved being last.

Be a servant, CHOOSE to be a JOYFUL servant. Moms: seriously, how blessed are we to get to be last? And because I was last this morning, I got to be first to see my son take his very first steps today. Keep me honest friends, keep reminding me if I start complaining just how great it is to be last. J