Let Me Clean Your Bathroom

It’s been a weird combination of events that at the same time we ended up adding not one but two new babies to our family, quite a few of my closest friends were going through some big life changes as well, including two families who moved into new houses.
At our age and with multiple kids in tow already, moving is difficult and I wanted to offer a helping hand. The problem is, having four kids of my own, three of them still babies, I don’t exactly have a lot of free hands available. Actually, I’m in the market for an extra one if anyone knows how I can do that.
But even though I had “my hands full” as people like to say, I couldn’t let these big moments of their lives where they needed their friend’s help pass by without helping. So, when it came time for moving, I packed up my crew and came to help, even though I was afraid I might be just adding to the chaos instead of helping. And when I got there, that’s exactly what I felt. I spent most of the time chasing my kids, feeding my kids, and trying to keep my kids from making an even bigger mess. My friends both reassured me they were just happy I was there to offer moral support, but I really wanted to contribute, and at both houses after asking what I could do for about the fifth time, I was asked:
 “Well... you could clean my bathroom...”

They were both reluctant to ask, but I was happy to have a way to help where I could still keep an eye on my kids. It didn’t strike me until I was scrubbing the tub in my second friends bathroom in just a couple weeks, how honored I felt to be asked to do such a task.
I know... you are thinking I need better friends. But think about it: we don’t let anybody else clean our bathrooms but us, do we? Because it’s the most intimate room of our house, and it’s gross. It’s dirty and we’d prefer no one else have to deal with our mess. There are just a few select people usually in our lives that we will let into our house on it’s worst day, and there are maybe only one or two in the world that we’d let clean our bathroom.
I have never felt so privileged as I slowly scrubbed away layers of dirt and grime on my hands and knees. And I realized how often I hide my mess from others. My sin, my worst moments, the things I try and fail and try and fail at. I don’t want to others to see it, much less have to clean it up! I realized as I was scrubbing that I have to stop that. I have to start inviting people in to my mess. Because it’s an honor to be invited into that space, and because frankly, without them it might never get clean.
I've been holding on to this post for a while now, and this week it made sense why it was waiting until now. This week was a tough one, for no particular reason.  I just started to feel "not good enough" for this calling. Comparing myself to other moms and not measuring up. Listening to all the wrong voices pointing out my flaws and telling me I can't do this. My house was a disaster, the bills were overdue, and the kids were crying more than usual (it's a lot of crying with three babies in the house even if they are happy, you can imagine when one has an ear infection and another has a cold and the third is jealous and knows crying gets you picked up.) It was one of those weeks when I was tempted to put on a front, close the bathroom door and hide my mess. Instead, I opened the door. I let my friends see my messy house and less-than-par parenting skills. I cried about feeling inadequate and overwhelmed. And a really beautiful thing happened: Grace.
My dear friend spoke words of encouragement that healed my soul. My neighbor sent a huge pot of the most delicious Beef Stew I've ever eaten home with my husband so I didn't have to fix a few meals. My friends came and canned applesauce that I would have never gotten done on my own. And my incredible four year old put on a song at exactly the right time that I absolutely needed to hear:

When it's coming apart, you had it all.
It wasn't enough. No, it's not enough.
They tell you it's not worth the price, so just let it go.
But you know you can't. You know you won't.

It's not easy, no.
Finding the words to say.
When you're feeling lost, you'll find your way.

The world is so broken and sometimes it leaves you cold.
And at times you can't feel the fire to guide you home.
The demons will haunt you and try to steal what you know.
But the angels, they brought you, and they're gonna hold you up.
They're gonna hold you up.

Hold You Up - Shane Harper
I'm so blessed my angels come in the form of some very good friends and the cutest 4 year old I know.  Thanks for helping clean up my mess! Let me return the favor and clean your bathroom sometime ok?