Run, Hide, Divide

Run, hide, divide. Those three words keep running through my mind as I scroll through my social media. Beside making me desperately want to stop using social media all together, what I am seeing around me has brought those phrases to mind. Those three things are always the devil's goal. He loves to put us in situations that will bring about this response, and he loves when we respond that way. When we think back to Adam and Eve in the garden, their sin causes them to run and hide from God, someone who they loved and enjoyed spending time with before sin. Their sin caused them to hold themselves back from each other, now needing to wear clothes and being "afraid" of the other.
There is this drastic difference between good and evil. God wants us together, He created us for union with Himself and with each other, we see this from the story of creation and we see it in the miracles of Jesus which were almost always about reconnecting people to each other. In the stories of the multiplication of loaves instead of "dispersing the crowds" to get their own food, he tells the disciples not to send them away but have them sit down to eat together. He heals lepers so they can rejoin the church communities in worship, he heals the hemorrhaging woman so she can do the same.  The stories go on and on and on.
But the disciples are slow to learn this. And so are we. They continue to divide, argue, disagree. They run and separate when Jesus is crucified. I remember some spiritual advice that has served me well over many years: The devil always says "RUN". He wants us to make quick decisions. We tend to get excited and think we must act instantly when something comes. But good discernment teaches God unfolds things in hearts slowly. If I'm feeling the need to make a quick decision I'm probably prodded by the wrong voice.
We've been working a lot with our cattle who are having baby calves right now. Really my favorite time of year, they are so cute, the kids love them, and I love learning the lessons God places in front of me as we work with them.
One of the things about cattle, and even more so if you've ever watched a herd of sheep, is that herd animals have a high fear response. If one gets spooked by something and starts to run, they all do. I'm sure if I did a little research I'd find this is a natural heard protection. One sees a dangerous predator and it makes sense for all to run without sticking around to investigate for themselves. It can be helpful if really in a dangerous environment, like herds out in the wild on their own.
But for our herd, and herds with good shepherds, they are well taken care of and they don't have anything to be afraid of. They often spook over the smallest movement, one loud noise sends them all running. It's quite silly to watch, they will work themselves all up, you can see the fear and panic in their eyes and they'll tire themselves out running from one side of the yard to the other. Sometimes they'll slip and fall down because they're trying to move so fast. Often they run into each other.
It's not a coincidence Jesus talked often about us in parables about sheep. We are so similar sometimes, so afraid, so in need of protection. And He tells us "He is the Good shepherd who lays down his life for his sheep." Now, I love my cows, but I promise you I would never die for one. They are just animals. But that is what Jesus did for us. And because of that we no longer have anything to be afraid of.
But we are not acting like that right now. We are not acting like sheep who are well taken care of. We are not acting like people who know that death is nothing to be feared. We might be facing this trial just to find out what we really believe.
I'm not saying we shouldn't be smart about taking precautions and doing what we can to protect life. But I am saying that if we are finding ourselves incredibly fearful then we might need to do some praying about what we really believe about death. And if we find ourselves feeling the inclination to run, hide, divide we might need to spend some time discerning the voice of truth. I think there is a delicate balance in this situation as with any, to make good decisions to protect life with the intelligence we've been given by God, and to also face the reality that this is a good as a time as any to hold our faith to the fire and find out what it is truly made of.
Do I trust that I am being taken care of by the Good Shepherd, who ensures that I am always safe even when I feel afraid?
And I'm also saying, even pleading with you, please avoid the temptation to let this fear divide us. Because worse than running with the herd is being so afraid you split off. When we are moving animals between pens, it's often when trying to get a cow where we want her to go, she becomes extra afraid. None of us really like being told what to do. We tend to dig in in our heals and decide "anywhere but when you are trying to push me" is where we want to be. And because of this fear, we'll see cows stop following the herd and move into a "save my life at all costs" mentality, which usually results in them running into a gate, slipping and falling, or ending up completely separating from the herd which was not their intent.
Yesterday, on glorious social media I saw a post from a friend questioning the faith of those who had canceled a church service. It really hurt me to read it. All over the place there are such strong opinions on what to do, a ton of judgement about what is being done, and I don't know about you, but I am afraid if I cough in public I might get stoned. It's easy when you have someone up against a corner to divide them from the herd.
So hear this today: you are not in a corner. You have been given an eternal pasture by the one who created it all. You are being taken care of by the greatest shepherd of all time, who not only cares for you and only wants whats best for you, but cares about you so deeply He would (and did) die before seeing you lost. Please do not allow the devil to use this to tear each other apart.
When we sort our cattle to go to pasture, it often requires them to go in a stinky barn and through some pretty restrictive gates. We also separate them from their calves so they won't get injured while we transport them. It's all for their own good and protection to get them where they need to go. The cows who have been with us a long time, know this drill and (usually) easily go where we are directing them. The new ones have the hardest time because even though we've always provided for them and never hurt them, they are so afraid of something unknown.
You know this God, this Good Shepherd. I know you do. He has been speaking to your heart since the day He created you. A lot of other voices are yelling. His voice is calm, and steady, and his words bring peace. "I came that you might have life, and have it to the full." So slow down, take some deep breaths and listen to what He has to say today. I'm confident He'll direct you exactly where you need to go.

If you need to hear it again, here are a couple older posts about fear and trust (and cows): I keep Breaking Back In
Don't Be Afraid, Spring is Coming

When It Doesn't Make Sense

We've been praying over some things for our family for the past month or so. I mean we're always praying but specifically a couple things came up unexpectedly that have thrown me off a little bit. We've had some pretty clear direction with some of our big life decisions over the last couple of years. But recently, things are happening and we are being led in a completely different direction than we set out on. As I struggled with this in prayer one day, I was reminded in my daily readings of the faith of both Abraham and Mary. Both of them were promised greatness of their children. From Abraham's child would come "descendants greater than the number of the stars" and Mary's child was to be the "great king whose reign would never end." Both parents walked alongside their children on the road to the place where they were to be killed. It couldn't have made sense, as Abraham laid his son on the table to be sacrificed, how he would possibly have any descendants. It couldn't have made sense, as Mary watched Jesus take his last breath on the cross, how a dead man might rule forever.

"I'm so confused, I know I heard you loud and clear, so I followed through, and somehow I ended up here." (lyrics from Thy Will Be Done by Hillary Scott)

I wonder if they questioned it at all. I wonder if they doubted if they really understood what God had said. If they thought they did the wrong things? I don't know what they thought, but I do know what they did: They moved. They took the steps no parent thinks they can take. They put one foot in front of the other. It appears, they had such great faith in what God could do, they trusted Him, even when it didn't make sense. And I guess that actually makes sense, because Mary becoming pregnant by the Holy Spirit "didn't make sense" either and God did that.  Abraham's wife getting pregnant  in her old age also "didn't make sense" but God did that too. So they believed God would still make his promises come true, even if they couldn't see how.

God tends to like to remind us of this concept that life comes from death. I mean, to make something grow, to make it live, we bury it. That's kind of opposite of what you'd think if you hadn't lived here your whole life right? If you were the first person on earth and trying to figure out how to bring something to life would your first thought be: lets try to cover it up with dirt and stomp on it? But God weaved this lesson into everything around us, and Jesus told us in a few ways like: "unless a grain of wheat falls upon the ground and dies, it remains just a single grain with no life. But if it dies it bears fruit." or "whoever loses his life will save it"

Sometimes it doesn't make sense at all, how burying something might make it live. How a death might bring life. And yet, we know the story. God did exactly that. One death (Jesus), gave life to all (eternity in heaven for all who chose it!). My heart is breaking for a family close by who is saying goodbye to their infant son. I was so sure he and his family were going to change the worlds idea of down syndrome and be a light for the world to see the beautiful gift it is. So this doesn't make sense.

And yet...

Even when I still can't quite see the big picture of what He's doing I trust Him to bring life out of the letting go because I've seen him do it before.  9 years ago I was burying our third baby in the ground and I had no idea how God was going to make life come from that. This week I celebrated my birthday and my NINE children gathered around the table and sang me the most beautiful happy birthday song I've ever heard. 5 live with us now, (4 adopted and 1 in foster care) and 4 (who used to live with us in foster care) join us on the weekends sometimes and all we love as our own. It's easy to see now looking back why we were led on some of the roads that didn't make sense at the time and didn't seem at all like they would lead us where we thought we were supposed to be going.

"Amen, amen, I say to you, you will weep and mourn, while the world rejoices; you will grieve, but your grief will become joy. 
When a woman is in labor, she is in anguish because her hour has arrived; but when she has given birth to a child, she no longer remembers the pain because of her joy that a child has been born into the world. So you also are now in anguish. But I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy away from you. On that day you will not question me about anything. Amen, amen, I say to you, whatever you ask the Father in my name he will give you. Until now you have not asked anything in my name; ask and you will receive, so that your joy may be complete." Jn 16

Its not all sunshine and roses when all 9 are home for the weekend. They're all under the age of eight. They've all been through trauma, and being together means seeing birth parents and triggering trauma feelings or memories and of course fighting for attention from 8 other siblings. I pray and hold onto the hope that I KNOW that someday He will heal all of our hearts and we will live in perfect love that we were created for. Until then, I'll keep playing referee and soaking up the 20 seconds when everyone is smiling and singing the same song around the same table. Together. Like we were always meant to be. 

This path looks differently than the one I set out to take, Jesus, and sometimes it just doesn't make sense at all, but give us faith to take the step forward when we do not understand. Take my hand. As long as I'm with You, I know I'll be right where I'm supposed to be. 
P.S. And I'll try to stop asking if we're there yet and just enjoy the journey.