The Problem with Fitting In

She just got back from a mission trip and was talking to her friends. They asked a few questions and then moved on to other things, ready to put the trip behind them all. But she couldn't do that. Those things that they had moved on to used to be important to her too, but now there was a problem, because she had changed, but her world had not.
He returned from a retreat determined to live out his newfound faith. But no one seemed to be able to match his excitement to share the gospel. His spirit seemed to be met with "slow down" and people that seemed to care more about their work load than authentic service. Enthusiasm turned to frustration.
Or maybe the situation we all relate to: They slowly learned and grew in their faith journey, it didn't seem like a huge life change, but over time they began to feel out of place around their family and friends.


I told a friend a few weeks ago, "to be a Christian means you'll never fit in". Jesus tells us this many times, but one I always remember is "In this world you will have trouble, but take courage, I have conquered the world." Jn 16:33
The truth is, that if you feel like you don't fit in anywhere here, its because this isn't your home.
"if the world has hated you realize it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, the world would love its own; but because you do not belong to the world, and I have chosen you out of the world, the world hates you" Jn 15:18-19
We were made for heaven. If this world never feels quite right, be glad! I am always grateful when God allows me moments of solitude, when no one else in the entire world seems to understand, that I know I belong with Him. It can reorder my priorities in a heartbeat.


Now, here's where this gets more difficult: Even though you don't fit in, you have to try. I don't mean change yourself to be like other people, I mean you still have to be in relationship with people. For a lot of reasons, but most of all these 2: Because they need you and because you need them.


We were created to be in community. God made Adam AND Eve, not just Adam. He literally created us for each other, to be a gift for the other person. We know that people bring us joy and that no one really wants to be alone. We also know that it is through people that we experience the love of God.
Beloved, if God so loved us, we also must love one another. No one has ever seen God. Yet, if we love one another, God remains in us, and his love is brought to perfection in us. 1 Jn 4

They need you too. "We are about bringing people along, not cutting them off" a friend reminded me. It's easy when we get frustrated that people don't seem to be where we want them to be, to want to distance ourselves from them. But remember that God loves them too, and wants them close, and if we can help we should.  I was walking in the trees around our farm with my 5 year old earlier this week and he wanted to be the "leader". We were exploring, and I was instructed to follow him. But he kept trying to lead me underneath very low branches that were pretty easy for him to get through, but almost impossible for me being so much taller. He was upset I wasn't following him since he was, after all, the leader!  I simply taught him, "you can't lead people where they can't go, they won't follow."
A good leader knows the people he is leading and finds a way to get them to the destination in a way that they are able. There are a lot of ways to get to the spot he wanted to go in the grove that don't involve going underneath a branch 2 feet off the ground.
You probably won't convince someone to sell all their belongings and move to Africa in a conversation. But you might be able to share a story about your experience that may begin to open their eyes and slowly change their heart. Bring them along, even if it has to be the long way.
When we get to a certain place, we want everyone to be right there with us, but we forget how long it took, how many specific experiences and encounters that have worked to get us to this place. We have to give them time and THEN we have to trust God that He is already working.


When we were on vacation in Florida, I was so blessed to get to spend the mornings on the beach watching the sunrise as I prayed my morning prayers. It was so quiet and peaceful as only a few others took advantage of that time before the beach became busy. It was also the time of day that a tractor came along raking the sand so it would be nice and smooth for the new day. It was nice to have a newly raked beach, but as I watched him go up and down the beach, I saw a very elaborate sandcastle that someone had built in the middle of the beach the day before. Someone had probably spent hours building it. I wondered if he would go around it, but he stayed right on course and in a matter of seconds he had completely erased any trace of it.


 I have this plan for life to be clean and smooth and pretty like a freshly raked beach, and I often come along and rake it myself. But I would do better to remember, that God is already at work, and I might just smash it in my haste to make things just the way I would like them to be. That's also when I usually discover that it's probably me, not someone else that needs to change. Its not as clean or easy, but it can be very beautiful when I find the way to work together WITH the Spirit to change hearts, especially my own.