Sorry I Didn't See You

I was honored to speak with some wonderful ladies yesterday at the diocesan Council of Catholic Women about Modesty and Theology of the Body. It's hard to summarize a teaching in just an hour that Pope John Paul II devoted much of his life to sharing with us, but the main message I shared is that the secret to understanding modesty is to realize the value and dignity of ourselves and EACH and EVERY other person in the world. When we can see ourselves and in turn others as the gifts they are, we easily value and appreciate our bodies. I know I still struggle as I let sin get in the way of seeing each person as God intended. But I'm expanding today on the reality that sometimes it's not the sin of judgment or envy or comparison but busyness that I struggle with.
It's our culture's favorite word to use lately: How's your summer going? ....Busy! How's work? ....Busy!  How's life at home? ...Busy!
We seem to feel being "busy" is what we should be else we be considered "lazy". When we had three one-year-olds all we ever heard was "you must be busy!" We still hear it often with our family of 5. And I know people are affirming our sacrifice, which is a really beautiful thing. Sometimes "busyness" is inevitable, especially when it comes to the demands of a family. But sometimes we create "busyness" because we feel a need to. We run everywhere and sign up for everything and everywhere we go we tell people we are "busy" when they ask.
The problem with "busy" is that when I'm too busy I don't "see" you. I don't encounter people the way I'm intended to. When I'm taking 3 or 4 children out in public, I don't see anyone except them, because I'm completely focused on keeping them safe, getting our tasks done with the fewest amount of meltdowns and making it home with the same amount of children I left with. I often go in and out of a store without making eye contact with a single person. I MIGHT have noticed you were there, but I didn't really SEE you.
When we run from activity to activity on such tight time lines, thinking about work or a million other things on our to-do lists, we visually see a lot of people but we rarely ACTUALLY see them. To see the dignity of a person is to look in their eyes and encounter their story.
Yesterday I spent an hour telling a group of women the beautiful gift they are, and even though I wasn't accompanied by my usual baby gang, I failed to truly "see" them and learn their stories. I've become so used to "busy" that I couldn't snap out of it. And that is NOT ok with me.
A few years ago when I was interviewing someone she told me when asked about a struggle in a previous job where she cared for people: "this is going to sound bad, but when you care for people every day, you can sometimes forget that they are human." She had an incredible heart for the work that she did, and it was refreshing to hear her honesty in seeing the challenge and committing to make sure that she DID see the person she was caring for.
But the conversation came to mind as I was reflecting on dignity and the way we must be sure our children know their own value. I wonder how many times this week did I really SEE my children? How often do I answer their questions while I'm doing dishes or folding laundry without ever looking up? How often do I sit right on the floor playing with them while I'm thinking of work? How many times do I not notice the boys' missing their sister while I am busy missing her? How many times did I look in their eyes today? It should have been hundreds, it was probably only a few. And that is NOT ok with me.
I have been given this incredible gift of these beautiful eyes that show me an unconditional love like I can't even fathom. They have see my ugliest moments and they still gaze upon me like I'm holy. I feel like the most loved person on the planet when I can see their sparkle and fun and intense love all wrapped into a look. They see only the good, only the most beautiful parts of me, the way I want but don't deserve to be seen. Isn't it funny, that I wanted to look into their eyes so that they would know their value and dignity, but it is in their eyes that I have found mine? Not funny I suppose but exactly the way God intended: for it is in giving that we receive. I know that same gift is waiting for me as I slow down and encounter others that God is placing on my journey.
Praying I SEE you soon!