This Lent is extra special to me, because it started the day after our son Samuel's adoption day. I've been anxiously awaiting the day when I can share his photos with all of our friends and family. But it's interesting, as the day came and went, I realized that I wasn't as emotional as I thought I would be about it. I've heard so many stories about adoption days being a very big deal and expected to feel the same elation, but it really felt like just another day. I guess, to me, Samuel has been my son since the very minute I saw him. Holding him in my arms just solidified it. After we brought him home from the hospital, there were so few doubts that his birth mom or the social workers would change their mind, I was able to just let myself fall completely in love with him. So, honestly, it's a little odd going to court for them to say he's mine now when he's always been mine.
Now that it's "official" we are able to present him for baptism. And as we prepare for that event this Sunday, everywhere God has been reminding me that Lent is all about baptism. One of the things I love so much about our Catholic faith is that we believe we spend our whole lives continually committing ourselves to Christ. It's a great feeling, baptism. Knowing you love this God so much you are willing to give Him the only give of value that you have: yourself. Giving all, the good, the bad, the ugly no one else knows. And meeting Him in the grace that gives us the life we crave. Most of all, staying focused on the destination: union with Him in Heaven. No, we don't re-baptize ourselves, but think of the power of my commitment if each time I dip my fingers into the holy water and mark myself with the cross it is an outward sign of my hearts commitment: "this body belongs to Christ". When I genuflect before the blessed sacrament, how beautiful if each time my knee hits the floor my soul cries "I am yours, use me as you wish."
As we finalized my sons adoption and moved into Lent I understood again on a deeper level the love He has for us as well as my own worth.
"In love he destined us for adoption to himself through Jesus Christ, in accord with the favor of his will..."Eph 1:5
At the court hearing, the judge asked us if Samuel had any property or major real estate. Of course this was followed by some laughter. He's only 6 months old. In terms of money or net worth, he has nothing. They want to make sure we aren't just adopting him to "cash in" I guess. And as the verse rang in my head over and over that we were "adopted through Christ" I couldn't help but stand in awe of His great love. As a sinful person, I have nothing of worth to God to offer Him, but yet He still adopts me.
The judge went on to remind us that Samuel will be considered our child just as if we have given birth to him. Therefore, should we die, everything we have is his. That's what adoption in Christ means. That everything He has is ours. He offers me His grace in the sacrament of baptism, and over and over again in the other sacraments. But even more, He offers me his Kingdom.
This is where it gets hard, because truthfully, I don't deserve it. But that's the thing, it wasn't my choice for it to be given to me, it was a gift, freely given. But it is up to me to accept it. To Him, in terms of glory and power, I am a baby, I have nothing to offer. But the good news is that just like we didn't adopt Samuel for his real estate, He didn't adopt us for what we have to offer. He adopted us because WE are the value. We walked out of the courtroom the richest people in the world and for once, I saw when I looked at Samuel what God sees when He looks at me. If only I can hold on to that moment for the rest of my life. His gift to me is so enormous I can't wrap my head around it, but as I stare in the eyes of my beautiful adopted son, I finally feel worthy of it. And I know, that the only possible response to a gift that large, is the greatest one I have to give in return: the gift of myself.
Maybe it's been a long time since your baptism, maybe it's brand new, or maybe you've been waiting to take the plunge. No matter which, sit with Him, seek Him out in prayer, in service, any way you can this Lent, until you see it too: your worth. And then, wrap yourself in the comfort that even before it was "official" you were His all along.
*Stay tuned for Samuel's adoption story. I've been waiting 6 months to share it, but a couple more days won't hurt. :)
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