Did Jesus think God Abandoned Him on the cross?

Psalm 22:   My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?

Why so far from my call for help,

from my cries of anguish?^a

3My God, I call by day, but you do not answer;

by night, but I have no relief.^b

4Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One;

you are the glory of Israel.^c

5In you our fathers trusted;

they trusted and you rescued them.

6To you they cried out and they escaped;

in you they trusted and were not disappointed.^d

7^*But I am a worm, not a man,

scorned by men, despised by the people.^e

8All who see me mock me;

they curl their lips and jeer;

they shake their heads at me:^f

9“He relied on the LORD—let him deliver him;

if he loves him, let him rescue him.”^g

10For you drew me forth from the womb,

made me safe at my mother’s breasts.

11Upon you I was thrust from the womb;

since my mother bore me you are my God.^h

12Do not stay far from me,

for trouble is near,

and there is no one to help.ⁱ

13Many bulls^* surround me;

fierce bulls of Bashan^* encircle me.

14They open their mouths against me,

lions that rend and roar.^j

15Like water my life drains away;

all my bones are disjointed.

My heart has become like wax,

it melts away within me.

16As dry as a potsherd is my throat;

my tongue cleaves to my palate;

you lay me in the dust of death.^*

17Dogs surround me;

a pack of evildoers closes in on me.

They have pierced my hands and my feet

18I can count all my bones.^k

They stare at me and gloat;

19they divide my garments among them;

for my clothing they cast lots.^l

20But you, LORD, do not stay far off;

my strength, come quickly to help me.

21Deliver my soul from the sword,

my life from the grip of the dog.

22Save me from the lion’s mouth,

my poor life from the horns of wild bulls.^m

23Then I will proclaim your name to my brethren;

in the assembly I will praise you:^*n

24“You who fear the LORD, give praise!

All descendants of Jacob, give honor;

show reverence, all descendants of Israel!

25For he has not spurned or disdained

the misery of this poor wretch,

Did not turn away^* from me,

but heard me when I cried out.

26I will offer praise in the great assembly;

my vows I will fulfill before those who fear him.

27The poor^* will eat their fill;

those who seek the LORD will offer praise.

May your hearts enjoy life forever!”^o

IV

28All the ends of the earth

will remember and turn to the LORD;

All the families of nations

will bow low before him.^p

29For kingship belongs to the LORD,

the ruler over the nations.^q

30^*All who sleep in the earth

will bow low before God;

All who have gone down into the dust

will kneel in homage.

31And I will live for the LORD;

my descendants will serve you.

32The generation to come will be told of the Lord,

that they may proclaim to a people yet unborn

the deliverance you have brought.

-Psalm 22

I know the reading is long but I just couldn't cut anything out of this psalm. We are starting Holy Week and during the season we always read the Passion of Christ at least 2 or 3 times before Easter. One of the Gospels gives the account that Jesus cried out "My God, My God, why have you abandoned me?" just before he was about to die on the cross. Every year it always seemed a little off to me. Why did he say that? Did he really feel abandoned? Did he have a moment of doubt in his fathers plan after he had fully committed to it? Did he think that God would save his life and then felt betrayed when he didn't?
A couple years ago I finally found the answer. You see, I'm not as good of Catholic as I should be and I don't read the bible as much as I should. If I did, I would have known that Jesus wasn't calling out to God with that sentence. He was quoting scripture! He was quoting Psalm 22. Back in his time, the Psalms weren't numbered, they were refered to by the first line. Jesus wasn't having a moment of doubt at all, but instead he was pointing us back to scripture, and the good, bible-reading citizens at that time would have immediately made that connection and understood.
The first time I heard about the connection with Psalm 22, I quickly grabbed my bible and read the entire psalm, and I was stunned. All these years I had thought Jesus had a moment of doubt, when instead, he was using his last breaths to give praise to God! The psalm clearly shows unwaivering faith, even though things are terrible and get worse and worse, the author continues to praise God. Even though the present situation is difficult, he recalls past events when God has shown his mercy and saved him, and so he continues to praise God and have hope in Him.

I think this reading is so meaningful to me right now especially because my husband and I recently lost our child, Caden, to miscarriage. We've been married 5 1/2 years and have now lost 5 children. Each loss has been devestating and while I know God is here helping me through it, I can easily feel abandoned. It's really rocked me how difficult this loss of Caden has been. I guess since history and science have told us that carrying a pregnancy to full term is close to impossible for us, I think that maybe I won't get my hopes up, I won't get attached, and then it will be easier when it's over. But no matter how much I tell my brain that it won't work, a little piece of my heart still holds onto hope, and no matter how hard I try, I can't not love the tiny child growing inside of me. And so a few weeks later, here I am with another broken heart, trying to pick up the pieces all over again, wishing that time would fast forward to the point when it doesn't hurt just to breathe.
But I find so much comfort in Psalm 22. Because when we are going through something terrible it can be so easy just to focus on it and forget about everything good. There's a great quote in the book "The Shack" that says (paraphrasing here:) maybe you couldn't see me because you were so focused on your pain." How many times have we felt abandoned, or felt we really needed God and he wasn't there? Jesus is reminding us as he points us to Psalm 22 that in our darkest hour, when we feel all alone and things have never been worse, that we can't focus on our pain but instead remember all of the good that God has done for us and it will be proof that he is with us still and there is still reason to praise His name.

I know without a doubt that God was right there with Jesus on that cross because He was hanging up there with Him. I know all of the times in my life that He has been there for me and all of the blessings He has given me. So even though I'm yet again facing one of the most difficult times in my life, I know He is with me, and I know He deserves my praise!

Jesus, as we celebrate your ultimate victory over sin, help us to give you the praise you deserve. We suffer on this earth because we have to, but you suffered because you CHOSE to, because you loved us. I will never completely understand, but help me more and more each day and make my heart like yours. Heal our broken hearts and never allow our lips to stop praising your name.