When I woke up later, I was overjoyed to see the rain still coming down so nicely. It's such a nice rain when it just comes slowly, evenly, without harsh winds or too much at once. It's so great for the crops and the soil. I was surprised then, when my 9 year old came upstairs and also saw the rain and had a completely opposite reaction. "No! It's raining!" and put his sad pouting lip out.
We started baseball this week to the joy of my children (and me). But today was only the second day of practice for my nine year old who has been itching to play for the last 3 months. His mind isn't on the crops and he cares little about the lawn, his mind is only on baseball this time of year and so he was devastated. He tried convincing me surely they would still be practicing. "Maybe all the kids could wear swimming trunks to practice? Call the coaches and tell them mom!" "Oh buddy, I know you really wanted to play baseball today, but there will be another day to play, and we really needed the rain. This is a really good rain." He just slumped with a pouting lip into his chair.
I know he knows we can't control this and he's just going to have to be sad about it for a while and move on with a new plan for the day. I know I've been where he is, only seeing things from my own perspective and how they affect me.
I can't help but be sad about everything that is going on in the world today. And I am still wrestling with how much of it could be avoided were it not for our human sin. And yet, God is allowing it. It doesn't mean He wants us to sin, but it does mean that He's allowing us to act in our free will and He is using it for His good purpose.
I have spent my fair share of time slumped in the chair with a pouting lip because of all the things I was doing and looking forward to and plans I had made. I've been pouting because I miss the world I used to live in that I am mourning the loss of. I'm heartbroken because many workings of the church that have been built upon for many years came to a halt overnight. I'm crying because there is conflict everywhere, even in places where there didn't used to be between friends/families/churches, or at least it wasn't so apparent. Sometimes it seems like I was cruising along on the most sunny beautiful days and I woke up expecting the sun just like every other day, but it was pouring rain instead.
And I was sad about this, I saw every reason (a lot of really good ones too) why we should be sad. The loss of the Eucharist, the loss of community, the loss of family, the loss of support, the loss of economic stability that will in turn lead to poverty, that leads to loss of health, loss of life. I've watched people sitting on facebook bragging about bing-watching netflix all day while my family and my friends who are farmers worked 18 hour days to put in crops and take care of animals to feed a country all the while knowing they may be losing money instead of being paid because there is no one willing or able to buy and process the products they are raising. Our church pews are empty, people I love are attending funerals of people they love who have committed suicide, addicts left alone and with idle time have more temptations than ever. There is a lot to be sad about. There is good reason for us to pout. And yet, I hear Him say, "but we really need the rain."
I don't like it, when my world gets flipped upside down, when everything I was working so hard on crumbles. I know the devil is doing a lot of work right now to destroy and when I focus on that I can get very discouraged. But I also know, and I need reminding now and then (thank you friends), that love always triumphs. God always wins. What the devil destroys God uses to rebuilt even stronger. A rainy day, sometimes even a storm, is not fun to endure, but below the surface, it is feeding the plant, it is in fact the only way the plant will ever survive and grow.
I wouldn't have done it this way. My son would have rather had a sunny day to play baseball. He wouldn't have realized even the baseball field needed water, and there wouldn't be any money for baseball if the crops all die. I would have rather continued on with sunny days here in the United States, but maybe I can't see what we really need. Maybe we really needed this rain. Maybe our luke-warm churches needed a wake up call. Maybe the divisions that are coming to light were a cancer growing undetected that can now be treated once it is made known. Maybe we farmers needed to be reminded we till the soil for God and not ourselves. Maybe we all needed to realize who we were putting out trust and hope in. Maybe it's not about us at all but the needs of our brothers and sisters who are living without the hope of Jesus. Maybe Jesus saw that a sunny day wouldn't help us all have a great eternity with Him in heaven. Maybe it's time to stop pouting and just trust that as hard as it is to let go of what we had planned, maybe this is exactly what we need. Maybe there's work happening below the surface that I can't see. Maybe, just maybe, it's actually a really good rain.
Jesus said it best in today's gospel "Your Father knows what you need before you ask him." Mt 6:8
