We splurged and added this huge master bathroom with dual sinks, an incredible Jacuzzi tub, and a beautiful tile double-shower and we just don't find that anywhere. And then there's our huge covered porch where we spend most of our waking summer hours.
And the quarter mile trail we cut through our grove around the property that feels like we're visiting a state park or the north woods.
I think about those things that I love so much, and I feel sick thinking about leaving them behind. I mean, who moves after putting a custom dream kitchen in their house? And then, there's the neighbors, who are THE BEST neighbors in the entire world. They bring cookies and garden produce and suppers and homemade jam, they chase in cattle that get out, help with chores, they always have a friendly wave or honk for our children when driving by, they have become dear friends.
When I think about all those things, I want to dig in my roots so deeply here and never leave. Which is why I have cried real tears each time we've considered making an offer on something new. But I know, when I am being reasonable, that we're considering the new place because it has something this place doesn't, something we are searching for. Room to grow.
When I'm not thinking about all the wonderful things I love about this place, I can see the beautiful view and the hills our cows can graze on at the new place. I can see the larger rooms for our growing family to play. I can picture my kids sledding down those hills in the winter time and I can see the ministry that we can do from that large property as a family. But most of all, I can see more children that we can invite into our home for a while or forever, with a little more space. And when I realize that; none of those other things really matter. And the more I think about it, I realize I want to get rid of all those "nice" things that make me so comfortable and that I am so attached to. Do you remember the story of the man in the gospel who told Jesus he followed all the commandments and asked what else must he do to inherit eternal life? Jesus told him, sell whatever you have and give it to the poor and follow me. And the story goes on to tell us that "the man went away sad, for he had many possessions." Mt 19
If that story hits a nerve with us, its because we are this man. We have so much that we love. People, things, places, security, hobbies, pride, all the things that make us so comfortable and that we cling on to so desperately. And that man, and we too, are sad because we only see what we're being asked to give up. And because we only see the sacrifice, we can't see what we would get if we let go: Jesus. The man had the opportunity to walk with God, every day. To follow him from town to town, to eat meals with him, to spend every moment with him. This is truly what this man asked for to begin with: "teacher how may I inherit eternal life?" Jesus was offering him the gift early, the opportunity to be with God before heaven, but he missed it, because he could only see the sacrifice.
I believe this happens so often when couples are planning their families. When we think of children in this age, we often only see the sacrifice. The missed work, the missed sleep, the extra expense, the extra time....and when we're so busy seeing everything we'll have to give up, we miss the fact that God is sending himself to us. That every person is created in the image and likeness of God, and every person is unique, therefore every person shows us a side of God we don't yet know. And often, even though the devil has worked so hard to convince us that it's not worth the sacrifice, I think deep down, just like the man from the story, we know. We know the beauty waiting in following Christ, in inviting more children, more people into our lives. But we go away sad, because we are so comfortable, we have so many things. It's not a coincidence that right before this story in the gospel of Matthew is where Jesus is questioned about divorce and explains the beauty God meant for marriage, that is still waiting for us if we're only willing to sacrifice. And then says "let the children come to me, for the kingdom of heaven is found in such as these." Could it be, the God we're searching for told us exactly what to do to find the happiness we seek, but we can't get over the sacrifice to get there?
That chapter ends saying : "And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands for the sake of my name will receive a hundred times more, and will inherit eternal life."
A hundred times more.
Jesus, help us stay focused on the gifts you have for us instead of the things we must give up. Point our eyes to you, that we may stay "heaven-focused", and even experience a little bit of heaven right now on earth.
And of course, I had walked only a few steps away from the computer after finishing this post a few weeks ago when Dan called to say they had accepted our offer. And I was instantly so sad to let go of this place and wondered if I believed anything I had just written. Of course this was intentional as God was preparing my heart to be ready when Dan called. This is hard, this daily surrender of the things we love. But this week, we finalized our adoption for our newest daughter, and my heart is so full. I'll post her story soon, but I'm reminded today how we almost said no when she first came along. There were so many reasons, we were heartbroken, and tired, and Bella wasn't walking yet and Samuel was still so young too, and could we handle another heartbreak? But thank God we didn't spend much time being sad about the things we were sacrificing because I can't imagine life without this amazing little girl. More on that soon! Praying for you, that you don't go away sad today, whatever He is asking you to give up will only lead you closer to Him! Remember, He's wanting to give you a hundred times more.
Oh, and don't freak out, we're only moving a few miles away! Now that I'm focused on what I'm getting and not what I'm giving up, I'm very excited about it. More on that soon too!
